I’ve lived most of my life as a Beta, or AFC (Average Frustrated Chump).
Weak willed, I developed one-itis on every occasion a woman struck my fancy. In high school and through college, I was smitten with one girl whom I hoped would someday say yes to me, and we could live happily ever after. After her fucking two of my close friends, I kept myself up wondering:
“Why couldn’t this girl like me? I was so nice to her, I did everything she asked, I was always available to talk.”
“This was how I was told it was supposed to be. Everyone told me this.”
One day, after all the stress to myself, I snapped. I blew up at her. She had LJBF’d (Let Just Be Friends) me so many times, I couldn’t handle it. Needless to say, we stopped talking and the friendship ended.
This set the tone for my life. Same story. Girls would friend-zone me after I would not declare my intentions, I would stew about it while she fucked my friends, then I would blow up at her. Rinse, repeat.
In late 2003, I met my ex-wife. I was so ensconced in my Beta male life, I had to go to on-line dating. I thought everyday about having a girlfriend. I thought this was the apex of my life, why I lived. And the worst part of it was, I was just beginning to come out of my shell (finally) and see some Red Pill truths, but just as I was, I was pulled back down.
I lost my virginity at 27 to my ex-wife. I had finally gotten laid. I had finally found my soulmate.
For 10 years, I lived in Beta male bliss. Sex with my ex-wife diminished to the point that she allowed me to purchase porn movies and subscriptions. I had two kids with her, and lived my life as if this was how it was supposed to be. AFC style. I had it down.
Then a few years ago, I made a fateful decision. After attending therapy for some anger issues (AFC anger), I had an epiphany. I was unhappy in my marriage. I should be having sex, I shouldn’t just be the guy who brings home the check, kisses his wife on the cheek, and gets busy on the “Honey do” list. So after this revelation, I sat up in bed one very cold winter evening, and told my ex-wife, “It’s over. I want a divorce.”
She was speechless. At first, she was desperate. She saw her meal ticket flying away. I had helped her pay off her student loans, her car, and her many different job skills that she had tried and quit. She didn’t respect me, I was a clown. I rolled over for her, we seldom fought because of this.
The worst problem? My kids didn’t respect me. They watched as time and time again, I rolled over to my ex-wife. I went to work, I came home, grabbed my list of her demands, and got to work. Had I not had therapy, I would have died this way. Being plugged in is not a way to live a life.
Now I was getting a voice, and she wasn’t happy.
We went to couples therapy. My mind was set. I needed to move on. My life was too short to live this way.
I had lived 37 years as a Beta male. Was this the turning point? Could I finally live my life for me?
Part 2 on Monday.