Faith In Yourself

I sat up in bed, on a cold, snowy February night.  I had been unable to sleep for some time, tossing and turning in a sweaty mess.  It had to be tonight.  I couldn’t go on.  It was pitch black in the bedroom.  I turned on my night stand lamp.  My mouth dried as I tried to summon up enough saliva to begin talking.  This was going to be tough.
I was about to make the biggest decision of my life.  One that would change not only my life, but the lives of my kids.  I looked over and saw my wife sleeping.  It was time.  
“Hey, wake up.” I impatiently chortled.
“What do you want?” she sleepily asked.
“I’m done.  I done with all of this.  I want a divorce.” I said showing no emotion.
She gasped.  The blankets shuffled rapidly.
“What the hell do you mean?” she angrily asked.
“I said, I’m done.  I’ve had enough.  I need out of this marriage,” I said.
Questions followed.  Why?  How?  
Then the anger.  “I knew you’d do this.  I’m so angry at you.  Let’s just give up on marriage.  You’re hurting our children!  I should’ve left you long ago.  I’m not happy either.  You’re fucking selfish.”
Eventually, their came the inevitable bargaining and desperation.  “We need to go to counseling.”
But it was too late.   
I had really made the decision some 6 months ago, in a psychologist’s office.  I had been going to therapy for over a year.  I knew my life wasn’t going to get any better as a married man.  I needed to forge my own path.  I had never discovered who I was, only what I had to do in order to “be happy”.
Get married.  Have kids.  Get a good job that pays a lot.  Happiness will just come.  
Wrong.  
This is not correct.  
It took a decade for me to figure it out. 
So here I was, at the precipice of my own life, a life I had lived for everyone but myself. 
When you own misery in your marriage outweighs your fear of being alone (a fear that was completely unfounded, thanks red pill), you tend to take on a fight or flight mentality.  I flew.  
I had no idea what I was doing.  I hadn’t been single for a decade, and even then, I was a fresh faced beta male who was terrible with women.  And on top of all of this, I had two kids.  But I was determined to move forward.  Nothing could be worse than being unhappy in a loveless marriage.  
Dark times followed.  Divorce is not kind, especially to men.  It took a tremendous amount of money, time, and pain to take this path.  Being a single dad is horrible especially when everyone including the state is against you.  There are many laws that are completely unfair to divorced men, especially fathers who want to take care of their kids.  Deadbeat dads are a terrible problem, but when women have the overwhelming power of the state to debilitate a father on their word alone, men fear not only for their financial freedom, but the custody of their kids is at stake.
I was lucky.  I had an ex-wife who was willing to work with me as an adult.  It wasn’t easy, nor was it cheap.  Houses to fix up and sell, trying not to disrupt the lives of my kids.  This particular path was difficult, but not as bad as others that have traveled.

In that time, the thing that kept me going was the fact that I could do this.  I had faith in myself.  I had never experienced such a feeling when I was plugged in.  The system was set up for me to be a beta.  I had never been concerned with my own happiness, but the happiness of others.  And this is a recipe for failure.

So what did I learn?  I realized what red pills already know.

You are what stands between the live that’s chosen for you versus the life you choose.  As a red pill male, you have tremendous power over your own life.  That is the key to it all.  When you choose yourself over everything else, the gravitational forces shift from going away from you to coming toward you.

The best advice I can give to men going through this process is that through it all, you must have faith in yourself.  This provides you with a suit of armor that protects you from a cruel, unforgiving process that is divorce.  Regardless of your situation, self-empowerment can only help you navigate the new world.  Not only will you be better off, your kids will have more respect for someone who has not only fought for them, but more respect for someone who has fought for himself.


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