Trads or Chads

Photo Credit: BBC

The “manosphere”, a phrase that many times is just a catch all for men who are working against the feminist movement, working for men to re-take their lives, and working to educate men on their roles in this world, has recently had a split. But it’s not the split of egos or personal differences I’m talking about. It’s the perceived split between traditional men (Trads) and men who are still teaching basic PUA and interactions with females, touting “at times” the “enjoy the decline” mantra.

I will honestly say that these men and the camps they’ve formed, are NO different from each other. They all believe the same things, they all are unplugged and “red pilled” as well as under the same forward thinking that modern men need to be under.

The sphere, for years, has split against itself with one side claiming red pill purity and the other side claiming life after the red pill and men bettering themselves. Both are correct. Both are needed. Red pill is a truth moment, with it’s many branches, but it isn’t a blue print on how to live, it simply is a list of truths that a man must accept in order to move on with his life, especially with concern to women. Both are supposed to work in concert, with red pill guys dropping truth bombs, then PUA / life guys taking over to keep those truths in the man’s life, and crafting a life that these truths become a cornerstone of. But the truths are REQUIRED or a man to accept to move forward. He can’t halfheartedly accept them without knowing full well that they will change his life for the better if he adheres to them completely. He has to.

If he doesn’t, none of the other crap matters, because he’s still living in an illusion. If he does accept, the “trad” men take over and push a man to live for himself first, and a woman is a compliment to his life, not a reason.

Physical and mental fitness, style, diet, and other aspects are then put to this man, with him taking responsibility for creating a life that is truly his.

Gurus, dudes looking to make a buck, regular guys, etc, all vying to help this man with his life. None of this is wrong.

Once again, for the people in the back, there are no differences in these men’s thinking. Guys need the help, especially guys who have taken and accepted the pill. They are vulnerable out of the womb again, so men on the sphere are taking these guys and helping them.

The differences, as I will spell out here, put me in neither of the camps, and in the big scheme of things, are a hair that doesn’t need splitting, but will no doubt be split for years to come, as it has for years before.

Chads

The hard core red pill guys are out there everyday and they have a point.

They run with mantras such as “She’s not yours, it’s just your turn” as well as the other oft repeated phrases that have made this sphere the sphere that it is. Remember, it all begins and ends with the red pill, which is why guys like Rollo, Dalrock, Pook, Roosh, and Roissey will always have a voice long after they are gone. The reason these guys and their content will always be around is because it’s truth. It connects men throughout the world with the truth that’s been withheld from them forever. These buzz words and phrases, while trite and over used, form the basis of the truths men should be taught at a young age, but rarely are. Feminism is a huge problem that is only getting worse as we get into the more “woke” decade.

PUA’s are working on this side as well, and while notch count is king in many of their worlds, it stands to reason that getting better with women is one of the best and most useful applications of the red pill. You can’t be a better man without learning to be better with women. And men by the truckload want to be better with women. Men are sexual, so they’re buying what the manosphere and the red pill are selling. And it’s an easy sell because guys want to sleep with hot women.

The “enjoy the decline” guys have a point, albeit one that isn’t easily applied to an unplugged man’s life. The philosophy of ETD is a philosophy based on red pill truths but doesn’t give a man anything other than notches and a bit of an empty life to look back at. I think that many men require a purpose, with the purpose of bedding all manner of girls being fine for a period in a man’s life, but not the end all be all. This is why the red pill is a praxeology at first, and not the whole ball of wax that men need. Truly, living the red pill life has many advantages, but it doesn’t give men enough to truly move forward. It only shows men a general list of concepts to deal with women and move forward socially.

Which is why I don’t fall into this category. I do believe that men need to have experience with women and need to meet as many and experience as much from all women have to offer before deciding on an LTR. But I also believe that they need to have that LTR. Many of the red pill purists are in LTR’s or marriages. They’ve pursued red pill ideals to conclusions that go against some of the red pill purity crowd in never getting bogged down in marriage or LTR’s and notch count as king. I also believe that marriage is still a viable option, as most MGTOW or other red pill groups will tell men to avoid at all costs. Also, the RP decries women having any input at all on their side of it. “Don’t talk about Fight club” is all too prevalent. But I think women’s input, showing the results of what the red pill brings to men, can add to the sphere, just as long as they don’t dictate behaviors, but instead show how the behaviors learned can affect a positive relationship with the opposite sex.

The single mom dilemma isn’t a dilemma to Chads, as they avoid them at all costs. But I disagree with their thinking that ALL single moms are terrible wastes looking for men as a meal ticket or substitute father. There are many good ones out there I have dated not looking at victim hood as a cash cow, but putting their heads down and making no excuses for their lives. This is where I split with the Chad crowd. And while I’m in no danger of wifeing up a single mom for sex, it does happen and men need to avoid women who are damaged just looking for money to help them rectify mistakes they’ve made on another man’s bill. It’s about living life on your terms with all the education to back that up.

I still and always will be a red pill adherent. But I do believe that there is more to a man’s life than that, but it is the key that unlocks a vast majority of it.

The value lies in the fact that these truths will always be there for men willing to learn and accept them. And for that, they will be eternally important and a required part of the sphere. But there’s more.

Trads

Trads, or the beard wearing, lumberjack looking, weight lifting tough guys that have propagated the manosphere (I’m probably one cause I have a beard), have really taken off in the past year. We are seeing men living the manly virtues, all while trying to push red pill truths. We’ve seen the religious right show up in this group, with Christianity and some Islam being thrown into the manosphere for good measure. And why shouldn’t they? These religions are based on men leading and having a strong masculine presence. Islam, especially, hasn’t really been infiltrated by feminism as Christianity has. But the religious right will continue to lay claim to parts of the manosphere and what parts haven’t been feminized will continue to play a part at the table of traditional masculinity.

But many of the religious messages are not compatible with red pill truths, especially since we’ve seen a massive invasion of feminism in the church.

While the Chads set the truth, the Trads take it to conclusions. These are the life action guys such as the workout gurus, the dudes who demonstrate in life what actionable masculinity entails. They give the guidelines based on the red pill and how men need to live their lives in a red pill manner. If the red pill is the road map, the trad world is the transportation to get there.

Empowering men after they become unplugged has always been a dicey business because the temptation of the romantic, blue pill stories that get in men’s heads. The truth still needs someone to carry it to realization, men who have lived the pill and everything it stands for.

While I don’t relate to Chads on certain levels, I don’t relate to Trads on others.

True, I am a single father. True, I do believe that a long term relationship and marriage are still in the cards for many men. But every time traditional masculinity tries to up end or re-brand the red pill, they fail miserably. It shouldn’t be rebranded, and it can’t be re-invented. It’s a part of the sphere, regardless of if we think it should be or not. It’s a baseline realization that many men have to come to and it can’t be gotten around.

Marriage, as good as it can be, is not for every man. There are many men out there who are risk averse and also don’t have the inclination for any kinds of long term relationship, and that is okay.

Trads will also call on women to help shape and work on communicating the red pill, but they can’t effectively negotiate that side of it. This is where men on this side need to use their own success stories with their wives as motivation for men to show them what marriage, on their own terms, can truly be.

They also believe that many single moms are fine to date, as the Chads will tell you avoid them. Many single moms are damaged and looking for a meal ticket. They want a child to have a father figure because their worthless ex is not holding up his side of it. But there are quite a few single mothers I have dated that don’t ask for that. They have a father that cares and they aren’t in need of a man to father up the kids.

I also believe that sex, as a vital part of a man’s life, regardless of his morals, is still too important in any relationship to be disregarded. Red pill purists also believe this, and they are correct. Sex is much too important to try and gloss over.

The Two Sided Coin

So here we go, the two sided coin. A quarter is heads or tails, but it’s still worth 25 cents regardless of which side it lands on. That’s what this issue in in a nutshell. While we all may flex our perspective at times, all of it is good if in the end it’s establishing a man’s own choice as the correct one. Regardless of how he gets there, as long as he accepts the truth and chooses his life of his own accord, it’s a crap shoot on how to accomplish it.

There are no absolutes except the truth. And the truth will set you free. Other than that, the manosphere is one gigantic gray area. What work all of these men are doing, regardless of who says what, and who fronts how, is trying to keep men from making real mistakes that will cost them far more in the end. Money, time, even their lives. No man on this sphere wants to see a man take his own life. And that’s what we are all working towards. To make men satisfied and strong in their own lives. And making their own choices to that end, and holding them accountable.

It may not be pretty, but we are all living examples of men who’ve weathered hard times to come out ahead. And we’ve all done it on the red pill.

So regardless of which side you’re on, I’m telling you that the men I see and talk to on this side are preaching the truth, regardless of flex. They are trying to get men away from the feminist dream and trying to put them on solid ground that they alone negotiate. Men have to live life by their own rules, and it’s time for the sides to come together to make that happen.

It won’t, but I can always be hopeful.

For now, I choose not to be on either side. They both have their advantages, but both need to bridge the gap to really get to helping men the best way, by combining their forces. I will continue to be a demon for both sides because I don’t fully subscribe to either ideology. Because we need real world solutions besides broad platitudes to really help men in every situation. But, alas, we will be here for a while yet.

But, here’s the thing. Reasonable takes are needed in all aspects of a man’s life, and a platitude that pushes too far on either side shouldn’t be accepted.

But we still have the gaps, and we still have the disagreements, and we’ll still have it for years to come.

So I continue to work laboring under the common sense approach to all of this, what’s right is right, what’s wrong is wrong, but as long as you own it and do it on your own terms, you are living life right.

There Is No Chad

Chad Thundercock, the famed internet meme and PUA boogeyman for nearly 2 decades, has been the stuff of blue pill beta nightmares.

He’s the dude that makes all of your wives or girlfriends wet with just a single smile, the guy who lives in the gym and fucks your girl.

He’s the “dream” for any woman who’s looking for that quick score, the guy on Spring Break in Cancun who hosts the wet t-shirt party, the guy who smashes the beer can over his head, the guy with confidence for years.

Here’s the issue: He doesn’t exist. He’s a figment of an imagination of guys convinced that hypergamy is an immovable object and Chad is the unstoppable force. He’s painted as the main villain to guys who don’t do enough in their lives to lead their wives / girlfriends.

“Chad” lives in the minds of terrified men.

“It’s Not My Fault”

Men are lost in these troubled times.

But what’s worse, men aren’t taking responsibility for being lost. In our current climate where victimhood is rewarded with attention, men would rather blame some faceless meat head than admit they have work to do. They’d rather fire off the “hypergamy doesn’t care” trope than look at the dude in the mirror and realize that maybe, just maybe, he’s responsible for his own life, and not some steroid induced alpha trying to spread his seeds all over God’s green Earth.

I’m here to break it to you, guys. “Chad” doesn’t exist. He’s just a dude who outworkes, outshines, or out-talents you in a certain aspect of your life. That’s it.

Men, you have a responsibility to yourself to make strides and improvements in your life.

Nowadays, men instead settle for the fact that they must do things to gain intimacy with their wives, high fives for eating a whole pizza (I’ve been there), watching porn, cheering on other guys playing sports, playing video games, and generally not doing anything to improve themselves or their relationships with their significant others.

They allow themselves to get fat, destitute, and slovenly, as well as refuse to work towards any kind of self improvement.

So imagine their surprise when their girlfriend or wife sleeps with another man. Instead of facing the potential embarrassment of realizing the issue was possibly their fault, they rely on “Chad” in all of his perfection, to come to the rescue and keep their pride intact just enough to push off any doubts that he was the “loving husband” and supportive man.

“How dare she sleep with another man? She’s obviously letting her hypergamous nature off the leash and Chad Thundercock was the right man at the right time for her.”

See how it works? He’s let off the hook for his actions, and hers are absolutely abhorrent. “Chad” saves the day again, and saves the man’s face.

The cycle repeats. “Chad” is both a villain and a hero.

“It’s Hard to Take Responsibility for Yourself”

So why does “Chad” exist?

Because it’s hard to admit fault. It’s hard to take responsibility for shitty choices in life. It’s hard to get rid of destructive habits.

It’s hard.

People don’t want to accept they’ve made a mistake, especially men. It’s emasculating to men if their significant other cheats on them, especially with another man who they may deem “less” of a man than they are.

So “Chad” is invoked, and it makes men feel better.

“I couldn’t possibly competed with this dude, he was jacked, runs a million dollar business, has a nice car, etc.”

What they don’t want to admit is that their wife / girlfriend cheated with Rob in accounting or Dave who buses tables at the local pub.

The point?

“Chad” exists because men allow him to, rather than becoming their own version of “Chad”.

Self improvement is hard. I know. I’m living it. I make mistakes daily. I admit them and sack up and move on.

But is it so hard to try and make a better product for your wife or girlfriend so that “Chad”, evil “Chad”, doesn’t take her away from you?

Apparently, yes. Men no longer challenge themselves to be better, instead opting for victim hood and the prize of sympathy. “Chad” cures a lot of ills, especially any indication of a man’s lack of character, strength, sexual prowess, and leadership in a failed relationship.

Men don’t want to be seen as weak. We don’t like showing our deficits.

But here’s the thing.

If we’re going to grow up and get out of blaming “Chad” for everything, we need to start by owning it. Every fucking ounce.

“Kill Your Beta and Kill Your Chad”

Just like a blue pilled beta, the “Chad” crowd likens him to an untouchable man, someone so perfect that no one could compete. Six pack abs, football star, killer smile, the woman getter, etc. You have to kill the “Chad” fantasy. It doesn’t exist.

So what’s the quickest way to kill “Chad”? Well, start by acknowledging that he never existed, and that only you and your situation exist.

Acknowledging that you made mistakes and failed in your responsibility of a doomed relationship is the first step in getting rid of “Chad”.

Seeing your faults and weaknesses and working on them is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of growth and strength. Make this mindset the cornerstone of your new outlook, and Chad continues to fade away.

Look at ways your life is below average. Do a self evaluation about what happened to your relationship. The only thing you can control is how you act, react, and contribute. That’s it. What shortcomings did you have? Get them all out on the table and work on every last one of them.

Can’t talk to girls? Learn game.

Fat? Work out.

Crappy clothes? Style.

Carry yourself better, work to improve, and all of the sudden, “Chad” is gone and the real world “Chad” that is you emerges.

You’ve become “Chad”. What a fucking concept.

But you’ve got to want to do the work.

Most men wait out their self improvement phase until something bad happens in their life. Stop waiting.

The more you work, the less you’ll tend to blame “mysterious” outside forces beyond your control, “Chad” included. He’s not to blame. You are.

The red pill’s primary goal is to get men to take responsibility for their own lives, and stop living under the guise of not having control over yourself. “Chad”, just like being blue pilled, is another mechanism used to try and push blame away from ourselves and onto another entity. It shows that we lack control. It shows that we’ll gladly preempt responsibility for anything else. It shows laziness and lack of self esteem. It’s the easy route, it’s the comfort zone. That line of thinking sucks.

Blue pilled men who take the red pill try desperately to avoid the hard truth. And one of those hard truths is that you alone control your destiny, not imaginary dudes with a six pack. Your failures, your setbacks, your disappointments, your lack of control, your general lethargy to your own life are all yours.

Stop blaming “Chad”.