A Letter To My Younger Self

Timothy Wayne Hicks, with his little sister and a devil cat, 1993

Dear 22 year old Tim,

I’m here to tell you some things that I need you to know so that you don’t take the next 22 years and blow up, then rebuild, then blow up your life again.

I’m your 44 year old self, fresh off of 22 years of fun, games, heartache, tragedy, loss, joy, and fun.

At this point in my life, at the time of writing this letter, these 22 years have flown by. I will tell you some things that you won’t believe but shouldn’t be surprised about:

  • As of this writing, you’ve been employed by two places, both family-run. One you left because you wanted to start a wholly-owned family business with your father, mother, sister, and good business associate. You’re just starting work at your father’s first company at 22, and you’ve got a shit ton of hard work that you don’t know is coming that is coming for your ass. College was cake, this real-world shit is not.
  • As of this writing, you’ve finally, mercifully discovered the world of women. It took you 20 years to do it, and surprise, you did it well. But it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and it certainly wasn’t the lifelong quest you needed to have to find your Moby Dick. And yes, you slept with a couple of white whales. Don’t sleep with fatties.
  • You’ve had a life of living overweight and out of shape. For 20 of your future years, you will be a fat ass. It’s not personal, though it is. You come from a long line of family who doesn’t take care of their health. And going into the workforce after you managed to take care of yourself in college, you’ll let all that slip. You’re going to balloon into a 308 lb unhealthy human being, and only between riding the roller coaster of diets and exercise will you truly find visions of your true self, before you fall back into the fat abyss. But the good news is, at 40, just like everything else you’ll learn the hard way, you’ll finally get your shit together and be able to outrun your kids and outwork men half your age because that’s what you should’ve been doing all along.
  • You have two amazing girls and an ex-wife. Yes, I said EX-wife. You spent your 20’s working hard and not putting work into your own life, so in your 30’s you married a woman because she was the only one who said yes. She married you because you gave her to opportunity for children. Both of you didn’t know who you were because you never bothered to find out. Your divorce put you in massive debt that took you two years to pay off. At the time of this writing, you are agonizingly close to your goal, with a mere $4500 left to go.
  • Your kids are incredible. Your oldest is just like you in every way, almost to a fault. Tall, lanky, and opinionated, but strong-willed and spirited. She’s also got your anxiety and anger issues, some of your more unattractive qualities, but she’s still a firebrand and an amazing student, as well as a robotics champ and an engineering fiend. Your youngest is smart, funny, social, and doesn’t take shit from anyone. She’s an independent dynamo who is friendly to everyone she meets, as well as a supporting and nurturing presence to her family and friends. You’d be amazed and proud of what amazing kids you’ve produced.

I wanted to reach out to you because I know what you’re going to be going through and I want to tell you things that I would recommend you do, knowing what I know now.

I will give you a rundown, and trust me what I say, this will save you YEARS of heartache and spinning your wheels. I can tell you that you are doing well at 44, but not as well as you could be doing if you follow me on what you need to be doing. Many people write these puff pieces of what they want their past self to do, but mine is truly from the heart, and you have a chance to re-live this life with vigor and more heart that I did, because you will truly know who you are and what you want.

  • Find out who you are

You are Timothy Wayne Hicks, but you don’t have the first fucking clue who the hell you are or what the hell you want. You MUST find out. It will solve almost 90% of the problems you will have in the future. Travel, try new things, spend time with friends. But know this. The myth that you were told about having a wife, house, car, kids, job, etc, is just that. It’s a myth that’s been propagated as the meaning of happiness in life, and it’s not that for many people, you included. You need to understand that just because your elders are pushing you into a direction they think you need to go, it doesn’t mean you have to go there. You have to think for yourself and don’t buy the myths of what is supposed to make you happy. What makes you happy is being who you want to be, doing what you want to do, and living how you want to live. No one has the right to take that away from you, and many people have succeeded in doing that in my life. No more.

  • Don’t go into trucking

Yes, your father offered you a great opportunity, but you needed to do something else. This job, as successful as it has made you, has taken years off of your life. Trucking is stressful, problem ridden, and thankless, and you jumped in when you were young and dumb, which is right where they want to get you. Now, you’ve lived your dream of becoming an entrepreneur, but at a potential cost of your sanity. It was never what you wanted, and will never be what you wanted. You’re a slave to it at times, and while trucking runs in your family’s blood, it’s cool comfort to a man who’s endured shit tons of crap from it for 22 years. If you have a chance to do something else and then come back to it, fine, but my guess, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that you need to travel, and take that trip to Argentina to immerse yourself in Spanish. Live there for 6 months and get yourself some world action.

  • Have sex and socialize

In 5 years, at the age of 27, you’ll have sex for the first time. While this probably won’t come as much of a shock to you as it should, you’re terrible with women and you have been for a while. And it won’t get better these next few years, so I encourage you to get out and socialize. Put the fucking video games down and put your head in the game. Go out with your friends, go to business dinners, travel, and meet new people. You’ll wait 20 years and a failed marriage to get this through your thick skull, and it needs to be said. You must get better with people and improve your social skills. Experience women from different backgrounds and walks of life. And most importantly, wrap that rascal. But you need the experience.

  • Pursue your passions

You love meteorology. But you couldn’t cut it because you thought it would be too hard. You never even tried it. You just assumed. Stop assuming. Get your ass to work and get a degree in something you love. You wanted to be a storm chaser, you wanted to be a meteorologist, you wanted to fly into a hurricane. You walked away from it all because you thought it was too hard. You’re a dumb fuck if you do it again. Explore what you want to do in this life. You will discover, 22 years too late as it seemed, that you have a passion for writing and a passion for helping men to live a full and more stable life for themselves. Get some balls and make a decision to be good to yourself and fuel these passions. It’s your call. Don’t forget that.

  • Get married on your terms

Yes, you’re divorced at 44. Yes, you wasted 10 years of your life with a woman whom you loved, but whom you loved only because you were told that’s what to do. She’s a great mom to your kids, but you need to be better at vetting potential women in your life. At 22, you would marry the first woman that said yes to having sex to you, and you actually do that at 30. She’s a good woman, but disaster is coming if you marry her, which you do. 10 years of a loveless marriage, no sex for nearly 2 of those years, and an inert relationship that dissolves slowly. You’ll make the tough decision to leave the marriage in 2015 and you’ll be glad you did, but it will cost you years off your life as well as tens of thousands of dollars. She’s not a bad person, as a matter of fact, she’s a great co-parent and best friend, but you shouldn’t have married her. But the good things that came out of it are the two kids you have. They’re very special. But you need to marry on your terms and only when you’re ready. You’ve rushed into marriage under pressure from family and friends to “settle down”. Don’t listen to them. You’ve got to blaze a path on your own. You must take the world by the balls before you invest in another person, and that person has to be the one to help you conquer the world. If she’s not, then there’s no point.

  • Be smart with money

You learn 5 years into your marriage that debt is a prison and you rack up tons of it with your wife. Then you take Dave Ramsey, and you start to get it back, until your divorce when you rack up debt again. Don’t go into debt. There’s no point in trying to have everything at 22, when you can work and live for practically nothing and save up every penny. Your success should be internal, not to show up your neighbors or people you don’t care about. You have to be smart with money and set up retirement early and contribute often to it. At 44, you’re kinda starting over on that point, and if I had done this at 22, I wouldn’t be in the straits I am now. And I want you to get a will done immediately. And life insurance, term life insurance. And get a good accountant, lawyer, and tailor.

Maybe the reason I’m writing this letter is because I’m scared for you to go through what I went through and I want you to avoid it. But maybe avoiding it isn’t the way to go. Maybe all the shit you’ll go through is so you can tell your story to a younger man than you, so he’ll learn from you.

Trying to avoid a life of some difficulties makes soft men.

You need to take life as it comes, and learn from the mistakes I made, but you’ll still make mistakes. We all do, and the best of us learn, adapt, and warn others about said mistakes. You have a lifetime to learn the hard knocks classes, so get started.

And on second thought, after you read this letter, tear it up, and do what you need to do to live your life. Just stop listening to other people who think they know better that you do about YOUR life. They don’t, and they never will.

You’ve got this, Past Tim.

Go live your life.

Sincerely,

Timothy Wayne Hicks, 44

Men In Dating

Photo Credit: Wall Street Journal

This is Part 3 of my “Men In” Series.

After my separation and eventual divorce in 2015 and 2016, I was in a new place. It had been a decade since I had managed any experience in the dating world, and as a horrible blue pilled plug-in, I had done online dating (eHarmony) to land the languished piece of crap I had just divorced myself from. I had zero experience with women, still, and had not attempted to unplug myself. So here I was, officially single again, with only blue pill basics to help me navigate the dating world. I was fucked. And not in the good way.

So what did I do? Well, I drifted. I dated little in the following months, actually meeting and dating a dominatrix 5 with BPD, a clingy six with daddy issues, and a one night stand with a decent 6. Essentially, the bottom of the barrel in terms of what I could, and knew I should, be able to pull. I thought this is what it was all about. It was all very pathetic.

Blue Pill men these days are in a similar predicament, not because it’s the true nature of the current dating scene, but it’s the inability of these men to see anything else. Being plugged in means accepting this “reality” as what it is, as it’s all they know. And it’s exactly what women want. Tinder and similar dating apps have become a tool for female hypergamy, weeding out the betas from the alphas. It’s just another screening process for women, only now, beta men are not only tolerating it, but their unending thirst is also putting women who shouldn’t be there on a pedestal. 4’s and 5’s who shouldn’t be getting a second look now have hundreds of beta orbiters.
So why is it this way?

It didn’t use to be. Before the advent of the right swipe, men were more than their thirst. They had a purpose, drive, and ambition, three things that are extremely sexually arousing to women. But men, especially the blue pill types, became lazy. Porn streams instantly to their finger tips, and now, they can peruse women without having to do the hard stuff, approaching and actually talking to a woman. Instead of continuing to pursue a full life, men sat back and let women fill the void, corrupting the online dating world in the process, turning it into just another shit test. And on top of that, men are programmed by the Feminine Imperative to believe that 8’s and 9’s are out of their league, so alas, they settle for being the head of the fan club of a solid 5-6, orbiting forever. How fucking depressing.

So how do I now navigate this dating world as a single, Red Pill father? I don’t. I dictate my own life, and let the dating world come to me. I have to do three things. I unplug. I improve, and I approach.

When you are a high value, high quality man, you will have your choice of women. But this comes with a serious caveat. You have to get to the high quality, high value parts first. This means working on three aspects of your game. And it’s not a road map either, you can and will need to do all three things at once. It’s not a set of directions, it’s a set of inflections.

Unplug

As we in the manosphere always preach, unplugging is a primary step in getting out of this wickedly depressing cycle. When a man unplugs, he sees the dating world for what it actually is, and realizes it’s about him. It’s about what he’ll tolerate. It’s about what he’ll accept. And when he realizes he doesn’t have to accept this bullshit, he then can move on to opening his world up to new avenues. When you say “no” to the current state of the dating world, you are now wresting control of your life from the FI and all its pitfalls. Until you’re truly unplugged, you cannot fulfill the preliminary part of your contract with yourself. Being true and honest to yourself will help you to be true and honest with others, so this, quite frankly, the biggest hurdle to hit first.

Improve

As the hard truths become apparent to you while being unplugged, you will have to realize these truths in your own life, and do something about them. Here are some of the hard red pill truths to the dating world:

  1. Looks matter.
  2. Confidence matters.
  3. Hypergamy doesn’t care.
  4. Women will not approach you.
  5. Nice guys finish last.
  6. Women want to be led, they don’t want to lead.
  7. You are your top priority, not getting a girlfriend.
  8. Being yourself doesn’t work. You must be a better version of yourself.

The last one is apropos for the dating world. Nothing tips the scales in your favor like being an attractive, successful, unabashed man. So get to work. Get to the gym, eat right, sleep fully, get your ambition going. You are the catalyst for all of your success. The waiting for success doesn’t get you there. You will slowly, steadily build confidence in your life, and it will affect every aspect of it. As you build, and you must build one brick at a time, and it will take time, you will become more than you are now. And this excites the shit out of women. Don’t believe me? Keep reading.

Approach

Yes, sir! The dreaded “a” word. After all of that work to get yourself to where you are, you still, even while you are striving to bring change to yourself, have to approach. You can choose several avenues. There’s daygaming, which is approaching during the day (office, street, shops, etc.) or gaming at night, which is the Mystery Method way of doing things (among many others). But even after he got the girl, Mystery still struggled with beta tendencies in his failed long term relationships. It’s about the man behind the game, and he must be strong.

The bottom line is: you have to work with what you’re comfortable with, however, you MUST APPROACH. And, gasp, you must open yourself up to consistent REJECTION. No matter how good you look, how successful you are, how amazing you are in bed, YOU WILL GET REJECTED. Swallow your pride, and do it. This is one of the hardest truths for a beta to swallow. They base their entire existence on being accepted by women, and after their first rejection, they fall out and want to plug back in. It’s a hard truth that MUST be learned. It was a truth that I still grapple with in certain situations to this day, and approach anxiety is very real. But the only way to overcome your fear is to do it, and keep doing it until it becomes second nature. There will be good days and bad, but keep swinging, studying, and analyzing, and you’ll get a hit, and maybe a home run. Before long, you’ll be a power hitter.

Conclusion

So, where do you go from here? It’s really up to you. I want to stress that you can meet plenty of women without online dating, the old fashioned way, by opening your life up to improvement and new experiences. The old adage of love yourself before you love another really applies here. Men need to start swiping right on their own lives, and not on a solid 5 with two kids. When men start taking responsibility for themselves, and righting the wrongs they’ve made in their life, women will start to take notice. As women’s Instagram and Tinder matches start drying up, they’ll soon realize that the jig is up. Men are back, stronger than ever, and making these thots extinct. But until then, we have to keep working to unplug one man at a time. It will take time, but it will be worth it.

So start looking inward to your own world, and making it yours. You never, ever, need a woman to be happy. A woman is a compliment to a full masculine life. Your goal has and always will be your happiness, and not being a woman’s accessory. You’re better than that. So life awaits, get out there and make something happen.