The Single Mom Dating Dilemma

At 43 and single, I’m finding many of the dates I’m having with women in their 30’s and 40’s are with women who are single mothers. This was going to be inevitable as I am trying to date as many different women as I can all while getting to know who I am, what I like, gaining experience in dating all types of women.

So it goes without saying that dating single mothers is extremely complicated. Many women are not choosing to be single mothers on purpose, so you have to be aware that there are major reasons why they are single. From reasons like a boring marriage or lack of sex to more serious issues such as spousal abuse, drug addiction, or adultery, these women have been through some serious stuff and for many, it has scarred them for a very long time, if not for life.

Many of those women have major trust issues, lack of sexual appetite due to major abuse or trauma, and are embittered by their exes’ lack of commitment to them in their time of need. Plus, on top of this, you have a society that empowers single mothers to be victims all while shaming and berating men who had nothing to do with the situation. Add in the State as a third party to the marriage and you have the makings of a giant dumpster fire.

There’s a huge stigma in the manosphere about single mothers and with very good reason. Many of them are damaged, bitter, and just plain unpleasant. There are men like Rich Cooper and others that are leading the charge against single mothers as damaged, not worth your time, and swearing off on them altogether. And with all the terrible examples out there of women who have taken their situations out on everyone else but themselves, it stands to reason that some of those assumptions that Rich makes are correct. He’s right about many single mothers who become almost militant feminists in a crusade against men. He’s right about the sense of entitlement in single motherhood and I’ve seen it first hand in the dating world. There is a noticeable amount of women who act this way, and Rich is correct to warn men about them. They aren’t looking for a complete relationship with another man. They’re looking for a meal ticket, a support check, or are ready to manipulate an unsuspecting man who is looking for sex and letting thirst drive his needs.

While my endorsement of Rich will no doubt get me some blowback from the other side of the manosphere, I will tell you that while I agree with him on many things about single mothers, it’s a bit more complicated, especially as a man who’s currently in the dating pool full tilt and is seeing these things every day. What am I saying?

I’m saying it’s not all cut and dry, black and white, solid 100%. There are many types of single mothers out there and while many are absolutely monstrous, I can attest that there are just as many that are wonderful people. So what’s the difference? The difference is the amount of responsibility they take for their lives. Let me explain.

The Camps

I put these women into 4 camps. Camp 1 is the worst of the worst. Feminists, militants, anti-men who blame everything else on their lots in life. These are the moms who get triggered by doing anything remotely having to do with pleasing a man, instead blaming all men for their ex’s terrible behavior. Camp 2 is women who are less militant but still have a very clear bias towards men and especially their exes, blaming them for all the unfortunate things that have happened to them, but not all the way to man hatey status. Camp 3 are women who have softened and are accepting the fact that they can’t continue to blame men and their exes for issues. They have taken a certain amount of responsibility for the directions of their lives and are trying to get out of the tailspin that the lack of blame for themselves had put them in. And finally, Camp 4 is the reformed, feminine single mom. She’s not making excuses, pulled up her big girl pants, and has completed herself in a flourishing manner. She also won’t put any blame on anyone anymore, and also won’t deal with weak-minded men either.

The type of men that these women will search for is inversely proportional to which camp they belong to. In short, weaker men (betas) tend to gravitate towards the 1st and 2nd camps, where the 3rd and 4th get more mature, masculine men. Also, time is a huge factor in moving from 1st to 4th camps. Generally, the longer the time span from her being “wronged”, the more accepting she is of her circumstances and her faults in that choice.

Also, to no one’s surprise, women in the first two camps are usually more liberal than the last two. Camps 3 and 4 are learning more about personal responsibility and have let time hone them a bit, so they tend to be more feminine and conservative.

Camps 1 and 2 tend to look for weaker men to support them and their feminist crusade against the bad men that hurt them.

Camps 3 and 4 tend to look at themselves as independent and don’t blame. They look for men who are complete as they complete themselves.

Why do they go to these camps?

Many of these women married their alphas who rang their bell knowing that they were trying to change him. When they knew they couldn’t change him, they suffered through while enabling him for the sake of the kids or the marriage. They suffered through abuse, cheating, or worse.

Many women who are single mothers have endured emotional or physical trauma for this choice. But something kept them in the relationship. Maybe hypergamy, maybe sex, maybe duty, maybe something. But it’s kept them there too long and they struggle with why they couldn’t make him the way they wanted him because they were so hot for him.

Now, they are looking for a man for a meal ticket, a father to raise kids that aren’t his, or worse, both. I don’t recommend any man signing up for this if the woman EXPECTS him to help her raise the kids or provide money for her and this family.

They also feel like they have to blame other things besides themselves in order to overcome this hiccup. They overcompensate with being born again virgins, becoming radicalized feminists, focusing on their careers, or trying to wed a beta guy to try and show that their choice wasn’t the issue, it was the man and only the man. No amount of voodoo or choice is going to change the fact that she did indeed make that decision to sleep with, marry, have kids with, and enable the man she now blames for her lot in life.

The bottom line is owning a choice. Many single mothers refuse to believe that they had anything to do with the life they chose, that that life was thrust upon them as they were just in love and trying to make it work. It follows on the feminist line that women are infallible, incapable of bad things, and can’t be held responsible for their actions, which is horse shit.

It stems from a liberal, victimhood mentality that permeates the single mothers of our Western society. But I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t permeate them all. It doesn’t. There are good ones out there. I will explain.

NAMALT (Not All Moms Are Like That)

Where I split with some of the manosphere regulars is what I’ve found in the dating world. There are moms out there, good, hard-working moms, who are complete and wonderful. In my limited 3 years experience, I’ve found the rule more than the exception obviously, but I will say that I have gotten into relationships with good women who really were “wrong place, wrong time” types of women. They were dedicated, feminine, and supportive. They took responsibility for their lives. They didn’t let their single mom status divert them from trying to be successful. Many of them are conservative-minded and very family-oriented, yet also independent in accepting and overcoming their disadvantages. They have a man to raise their kids, their dad, or if they don’t, they aren’t relying on a man to raise them. They raise them on their own and don’t expect you to jump in and help, or worse, rely on you as a meal ticket.

While any “red pill cred” I had left with the manosphere may diminish by me saying that NAMALT, it’s something that I’ve actually witnessed in the trenches of dating. And as much as I agree with parts of the red pill argument, I still have to report what I see, honestly and upfront.

While we see some of the worse offenders through Rich Cooper, Rollo and others, we don’t see the success stories that I see, so that’s why I write this blog today.

So, gents, it’s up to you. If you don’t want to date single mothers, don’t. I’m not telling you to do it anyway. You have every right to live your life and date who you want. But I’m telling you that through my dating experiences, there are good ones out there, feminine, man-loving, good-hearted, supportive, beautiful mothers out there.

Hopefully, with this blog post, I can both assure men and also make them aware of the good, bad and ugly of the single mom world. Because there are ton of the last two with our society standing by as a willing accomplice.

But trust your gut and know that the good ones are out there. They are worth it.

The Sexual Arms Race

Photo Credit: eBay

When the Sexual Revolution started in the 1960’s with the advent of birth control, women had a new found freedom from so called “sexual repression” and hypergamy really found it’s way to center stage.

Women were now free from having to settle for men that weren’t the best in their minds, and could actively explore and engage in sex whenever and with whoever they saw fit.

In short, birth control leveled the sexual playing field for men and women.

And while this momentous discovery changed the world forever as we know it, what we didn’t know is how it would affect us now, nearly 60 years later. The power struggle (or sexual arms race) between men and women throughout history has led to this current environment, and that I what I would like to talk about today.

The History of the Fight

From very early times, women were considered second class citizens, however, they were deitized by men, especially in Ancient Rome. The Roman social structure took the shape of the interaction between men and women, with overt operating men running all the households, government and military positions, while covertly women would handle the world behind the curtains.

With Christianity and Islam, the same held true. Women were worshipped for their abilities, but were not given positions of power. Monogamy was sacrosanct, and women were to do their duties in the household, playing support role to the man. Men were using religion and religious teachings to keep women in one place.

But birth control changed all of that. It gave women access to the world of a man, and it was applauded as a huge step towards equality. Women now had the freedom to live (at the time they were told) consequence free, just like a man. Hit it and quit it. And no pregnancy.

But what we didn’t realize is that we opened Pandora’s Box.

In terms of procreation, women were now let off the leash. Out of wedlock birth rates skyrocketed, as did the number of unwed mothers. It because a free for all, and those numbers continued to climb.

Men tried to counteract this newfound freedom by doubling down on religion and attempts to control that behavior. But the horses weren’t going back in the barn.

Hypergamy didn’t care. It was time to live life to the fullest, and in many people’s minds that was having as much consequence free sex as they could.

Men were staggering with each new blow. What could we do to get a woman now? The best candidates were having all the sex, and men were having to re-examine what they could do to compete in this new world.

Enter Game.

Changing the Landscape Again

Men were desperate to find a way to level the playing field again, so a group of socially backward men developed game. Game was a means for men who weren’t good looking, weren’t genetically gifted with height or penis size to have sex with women.

So men developed game, and RSD (Real Social Dynamics) and PUA as ways to compensate for their limitations. When 20% of the men are getting 80% of the women, the 80% of men had to come up with a way to make it feasible for their share of the pie to grow as well.

In the early 2000’s, it was all the rage. Men were paying thousands of dollars to learn game, and were being rewarded with many women.

This was our answer to try and close Pandora’s Box. Knowing the true natures of women, using the art of seduction, and firing back against hypergamy was extremely effective. It forced women to recalibrate their aims, because once again, men were trying to take control of the SMP, and it wasn’t going to happen on their watch.

They tried to claim pickup was a sleazy form of manipulation. It led to rape, misogyny, and objectification of women.

Men simply fired back that women objectified men as success objects. They were trying to bend the curve away from the 80% to focus on the 20%. Their biological imperatives needed to be reigned in. The fight continued.

Each gender was trying to get the sexual upper hand on the other.

It continues unimpeded today.

The Current Trends

Today, women control the sexual marketplace. They determine sexual availability with the best candidate in their eyes. They have tens to hundreds of orbiters around them, depending on their popularity.

When the MeToo movement was introduced, it was a platform for women to speak out against sexual predators, a real threat.

However, feminists have perverted it’s aims into another weapon against men.

Now, “enthusiastic consent” is the new buzzword for the feminine imperative, pushing hypergamy to all new levels.

Feminists are absolving themselves of any responsibility of sexual intercourse, sharing some gems like these on Twitter:

Feminists want women to live like men, but not be held accountable for their actions. It’s the “have their cake and eat it too” mentality that has caused such a rift between the sexes.

And men have had enough. The “Mike Pence” rule, as it’s so referred to, is a man refusing to be alone with a woman he works with as to not put himself in a bad situation. MeToo has weaponized sex so much, that men are afraid to talk to, interact with, or even have dinner with a woman for fear she’ll attempt to destroy them with false accusations. What are men to do? It’s a no win situation.

So how have and will men respond to this newest wave of weaponization of hypergamy in the gender arms race?

The Strength of No Action

Photo Credit: “War Games”

Men have simply responded to these new actions by feminism by simply choosing not to play the game.

There’s too much at stake for men, so they choose another path. They refuse to interact with such a toxic movement as feminism has become, and this has enraged feminists even more.

And this, ultimately, will be the long term answer. Men will leave to pursue women who appreciate them, rather than be villainized by a group of women who choose to have no responsibility or consequences in their actions.

Blaming men has always been the calling card of feminism, but with no men around to blame, you’ve now essentially neutered feminism.

When feminism doesn’t have an enemy to castigate, the whole movement will implode on itself. It’s already shrinking due to the constant demonization of men, and it’s perversions of MeToo and other movements will only accelerate it’s demise.

But it’s still unclear on what men do in the meantime. We have to continue to hold ourselves above the fray, but also appreciate the women that do support us and our movement.

I think a lot of this arms race would be solved with consequences. Actions without consequences are running the feminine imperative, and eventually the check has to come due.

When modern feminism has a say in the future of mankind, we see disastrous results.

Birth rates are dropping. People stopped having sex. Partly because men have stepped away and don’t want to play anymore. And also partly because women want to live consequence free life for their actions. With safety nets like child support, alimony, and the State, many women don’t feel the pain that comes from promiscuity without precaution.

And some men don’t feel the need to be fathers. Consequence free sex has made these men nothing by sexual shysters, grabbing what they can without fear of retribution, because of course the State will take care of his mistake.

There needs to be more accountability in the sexual marketplace, or Western Civilization is doomed to be overtaken by other forces.

But for now, both sides need to lay down their weapons and come to the table.

Only through communication can we resolve our deep rooted problems.

But that seems like a pipe dream.

It’s not hopeless, though. I’m hopeful the hatred of men by feminism will cause it to re-assess the values men bring to the world.

And maybe men and women can have a lasting peace.

The Bitch is Back

Photo Credit: Make Him Yours

So a very recent phenomenon has happened to me a few times in the past couple of months and I couldn’t resist the chance to write about it.

About eight months ago, I was sitting in a local coffee shop working on my blog when I got a good IOI looking up from my computer of a HB 7 typing away on her laptop in the same vicinity.

I approached, sat down, and started talking to her. We hit it off pretty well. She was one of my very first approaches.

I closed and got her number. I called her and we set up a date.

As the date got closer, she contacted me and abruptly cancelled. Really no explanation except she was “really busy with work.”

But we all know what that means in fem-speak. She was spinning plates. And it’s okay for her to do that.

The old me would not have understood that. But we’re in Red Pill me time now.

I never heard from her again. Until…

Just recently, I had posted a updated workout pic as I am working very hard to improve my physique. Low and behold, I get a text from her.

“So how are you?”

Of course, my first text was, “who is this?” (I knew, but I also knew why she was texting)

“It’s Trish. I was thinking about you, wanted to see what you were up to.”

I replied coldly, “Doing my thing. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I was wanting to see if you wanted to meet up and get some coffee sometime.” she weakly stammered.

I responded directly. “I appreciate the offer, however, I really don’t make it a habit of going out with girls who cancel dates and never return texts or calls.”

She tried to apologize, but I wasn’t having it. I cut her off and said my goodbyes.

Anatomy of a Bandwagon Bitch

This whole situation was thought provoking for two reasons:

  1. If this was the old me, I would’ve gone out with her in a split second and,
  2. This was a textbook example of what the manosphere is always preaching about with hypergamy.

So before we go into the two issues above, let’s analyze the woman who was doing this above.

She’s 28, brunette, business professional. She’s hot enough to have 20-30 orbiters around her at all times for validation and ego enhancement. She won’t stay in one place for very long, having a ton of casual sex but not owning up to it, and when she does have a relationship, it lasts at most a few months. In a word, she’s “flighty.”

In her hummingbird world, there will always be a better man. Until there isn’t. In the female game of musical chairs just before her epiphany phase, she’s hedging her bets to get the best possible “beta bucks” all while having her last flings with alphas that she hopes to “change” before she hits the wall.

Women like this are fighting the inevitable, trying desperately to keep the epiphany phase at bay. But as we all know, the check comes due sooner rather than later.

Why Now?

Which is why I wasn’t the least bit surprised when this particular girl was coming up on my phone.

From eight months ago until now, I have improved my wardrobe, lost 20 pounds, and have been steadily improving my approaching, confidence, and demeanor. So I was at least aware of the possibility of this happening, however, what got me thinking was the TYPES of women who were coming back trying to “give me the pleasure of having her in her life” as one Bandwagon Bitch put it.

The few that have come crawling back try to trick themselves into thinking they aren’t crawling at all. As with all female solipsism examples like casual sex that doesn’t count or the universe representing only her views, they feel like now I’m “good enough” to include in their “spectacular” lives.

But the old me wouldn’t have figured this out. I would’ve been happy if a HB 7 came calling at all, and would’ve done all I could do to make it work, even when she cheated on me years later because she’s bored.

The societal landscape has changed.

These are single women essentially acting like single men. And we as a society are okay with that.

But as we shun single men because they “refuse” to settle down or “grow up”, we celebrate single women as powerful because they don’t do that. We aren’t empowering females by encouraging them to act like males, we’re killing the woman that lies naturally within her, cutting off nourishment.

The consequences of such a paradigm shift are starting to show.

As we are seeing more and more, there’s buyer’s remorse from betas on their flighty wives, post wall women regretting they didn’t have kids or live the life of a woman, and lonely middle aged feminists looking for men to “man up, grow a pair” and take on them and their kids.

But like I said, there’s a new me in town.

I chose not to fall for the bull, and as with most things in the manosphere, knowledge is power, and she played right into obscurity.

Don’t Fall For It

The reason the manosphere talks so much about things like this is that they DO happen. And this is just another example of it. Knowing what to look for and how to avoid it can only help you achieve a level of awareness that will keep you focused when a girl of better attributes does enter your life.

However, the most disturbing thing about this is that, somewhere, at some point, some guy will take the bait and be stuck with this nightmare. And those are the men that I’m trying to reach everyday. They must not make this mistake, or they’re in for a world of hurt.

So as you’re working on your quality, be mindful that some girl you’ve approached or been intimate with is watching you and will be in touch again because you’re better than you were.

And without hesitation, please show this “Bandwagon Bitch” the door.

If she doesn’t like you when you’re at your worst, she doesn’t deserve you at your best.

Men In Dating

Photo Credit: Wall Street Journal

This is Part 3 of my “Men In” Series.

After my separation and eventual divorce in 2015 and 2016, I was in a new place. It had been a decade since I had managed any experience in the dating world, and as a horrible blue pilled plug-in, I had done online dating (eHarmony) to land the languished piece of crap I had just divorced myself from. I had zero experience with women, still, and had not attempted to unplug myself. So here I was, officially single again, with only blue pill basics to help me navigate the dating world. I was fucked. And not in the good way.

So what did I do? Well, I drifted. I dated little in the following months, actually meeting and dating a dominatrix 5 with BPD, a clingy six with daddy issues, and a one night stand with a decent 6. Essentially, the bottom of the barrel in terms of what I could, and knew I should, be able to pull. I thought this is what it was all about. It was all very pathetic.

Blue Pill men these days are in a similar predicament, not because it’s the true nature of the current dating scene, but it’s the inability of these men to see anything else. Being plugged in means accepting this “reality” as what it is, as it’s all they know. And it’s exactly what women want. Tinder and similar dating apps have become a tool for female hypergamy, weeding out the betas from the alphas. It’s just another screening process for women, only now, beta men are not only tolerating it, but their unending thirst is also putting women who shouldn’t be there on a pedestal. 4’s and 5’s who shouldn’t be getting a second look now have hundreds of beta orbiters.
So why is it this way?

It didn’t use to be. Before the advent of the right swipe, men were more than their thirst. They had a purpose, drive, and ambition, three things that are extremely sexually arousing to women. But men, especially the blue pill types, became lazy. Porn streams instantly to their finger tips, and now, they can peruse women without having to do the hard stuff, approaching and actually talking to a woman. Instead of continuing to pursue a full life, men sat back and let women fill the void, corrupting the online dating world in the process, turning it into just another shit test. And on top of that, men are programmed by the Feminine Imperative to believe that 8’s and 9’s are out of their league, so alas, they settle for being the head of the fan club of a solid 5-6, orbiting forever. How fucking depressing.

So how do I now navigate this dating world as a single, Red Pill father? I don’t. I dictate my own life, and let the dating world come to me. I have to do three things. I unplug. I improve, and I approach.

When you are a high value, high quality man, you will have your choice of women. But this comes with a serious caveat. You have to get to the high quality, high value parts first. This means working on three aspects of your game. And it’s not a road map either, you can and will need to do all three things at once. It’s not a set of directions, it’s a set of inflections.

Unplug

As we in the manosphere always preach, unplugging is a primary step in getting out of this wickedly depressing cycle. When a man unplugs, he sees the dating world for what it actually is, and realizes it’s about him. It’s about what he’ll tolerate. It’s about what he’ll accept. And when he realizes he doesn’t have to accept this bullshit, he then can move on to opening his world up to new avenues. When you say “no” to the current state of the dating world, you are now wresting control of your life from the FI and all its pitfalls. Until you’re truly unplugged, you cannot fulfill the preliminary part of your contract with yourself. Being true and honest to yourself will help you to be true and honest with others, so this, quite frankly, the biggest hurdle to hit first.

Improve

As the hard truths become apparent to you while being unplugged, you will have to realize these truths in your own life, and do something about them. Here are some of the hard red pill truths to the dating world:

  1. Looks matter.
  2. Confidence matters.
  3. Hypergamy doesn’t care.
  4. Women will not approach you.
  5. Nice guys finish last.
  6. Women want to be led, they don’t want to lead.
  7. You are your top priority, not getting a girlfriend.
  8. Being yourself doesn’t work. You must be a better version of yourself.

The last one is apropos for the dating world. Nothing tips the scales in your favor like being an attractive, successful, unabashed man. So get to work. Get to the gym, eat right, sleep fully, get your ambition going. You are the catalyst for all of your success. The waiting for success doesn’t get you there. You will slowly, steadily build confidence in your life, and it will affect every aspect of it. As you build, and you must build one brick at a time, and it will take time, you will become more than you are now. And this excites the shit out of women. Don’t believe me? Keep reading.

Approach

Yes, sir! The dreaded “a” word. After all of that work to get yourself to where you are, you still, even while you are striving to bring change to yourself, have to approach. You can choose several avenues. There’s daygaming, which is approaching during the day (office, street, shops, etc.) or gaming at night, which is the Mystery Method way of doing things (among many others). But even after he got the girl, Mystery still struggled with beta tendencies in his failed long term relationships. It’s about the man behind the game, and he must be strong.

The bottom line is: you have to work with what you’re comfortable with, however, you MUST APPROACH. And, gasp, you must open yourself up to consistent REJECTION. No matter how good you look, how successful you are, how amazing you are in bed, YOU WILL GET REJECTED. Swallow your pride, and do it. This is one of the hardest truths for a beta to swallow. They base their entire existence on being accepted by women, and after their first rejection, they fall out and want to plug back in. It’s a hard truth that MUST be learned. It was a truth that I still grapple with in certain situations to this day, and approach anxiety is very real. But the only way to overcome your fear is to do it, and keep doing it until it becomes second nature. There will be good days and bad, but keep swinging, studying, and analyzing, and you’ll get a hit, and maybe a home run. Before long, you’ll be a power hitter.

Conclusion

So, where do you go from here? It’s really up to you. I want to stress that you can meet plenty of women without online dating, the old fashioned way, by opening your life up to improvement and new experiences. The old adage of love yourself before you love another really applies here. Men need to start swiping right on their own lives, and not on a solid 5 with two kids. When men start taking responsibility for themselves, and righting the wrongs they’ve made in their life, women will start to take notice. As women’s Instagram and Tinder matches start drying up, they’ll soon realize that the jig is up. Men are back, stronger than ever, and making these thots extinct. But until then, we have to keep working to unplug one man at a time. It will take time, but it will be worth it.

So start looking inward to your own world, and making it yours. You never, ever, need a woman to be happy. A woman is a compliment to a full masculine life. Your goal has and always will be your happiness, and not being a woman’s accessory. You’re better than that. So life awaits, get out there and make something happen.

Men In Love

Credit:  WebMD

This is Part 2 of my “Men In” series:

There she is.  That girl you can’t get out of your head.  Great body, long blond hair, great smile, blue eyes, nice tits, sweet personality, everything you ever wanted.  She’s all you can think about.  You haven’t asked her out yet, but you see her every day at work, or every week at the gym, or this month at your friend’s get together.  She’s perfection to you.  She can do no wrong.  

She’s the girl of your dreams. 

Congrats, you have what we in the Manosphere call “oneitis“, or an obsession with one particular girl, or what some in the beta male would would classify as love.  It’s portrayed as a man’s reason for living, and most plugged in men continue to pursue this fantasy, sometimes even succeeding, then getting buyer’s remorse for not knowing the complexities of women

As we are approaching the reprehensible holiday of Valentine’s Day, a holiday invented in the second century AD by the Christians to skirt Emperor Claudius Gothicus’s marriage decree, and now hijacked by corporations, the Church, the feminine imperative, and Hollywood to make men feel bad for not giving gifts, spending time, or spending money on their significant others, we continue see love being perverted for different gains.  It’s been weaponized against men, through this wretched holiday, as well as through the lens of what the feminine imperative could squeeze from it.

It’s time to talk about men in love. 

Why Do You Hate Love?

“Love”, for lack of a better term, is used far too often for too many situations these days.   Love is supposed to be a catch all for strong emotions about something or somebody. 

The general response to the above diatribe from women to me would be, “Anyone who hates Valentine’s Day or love hasn’t really ever been in love, or they have experienced a bad heartbreak.”
While I have indeed experienced bad heartbreak (as have many men), I loathe that anyone who says I don’t like the word “love” is implying that I’m harboring an internal grudge against it because of past incidents with girls who rejected or broke up with me.  People are dying to connect these dots, because it supposedly invalidates my argument. 

From personal experience, in my early days as an AFC beta, I celebrated Valentine’s Day.  I thought I had to shower a girl with trinkets, gifts, and attention to validate my love for her.  I quickly learned that this was a fruitless endeavor.  I grew a bit wiser, and throughout my later relationships and up to my marriage, I seldom celebrated Valentine’s Day, and “love” was implied in my relationships. When I was married, my wife, at first, didn’t need proof of my feelings for her, but when the time came that she did need this proof (and the check almost always comes due at some point), I was already out the door.  The way that I saw it was, if I had to prove my love to this woman, it ceased to be love, and was now a business transaction.

Men can only feel “love”, or what they think is “love”, because as a goal, logic, and task oriented species, men focus on a goal and look for a solution.  That answer when dating is finding “true love”, or the ultimate solutions to a man’s “problem” of being single.  

This is what a fem-centric society wants.  Love, as with most things these days, has been hijacked by the feminine imperative not as a raw emotion, but as yet another filter to use for their hypergamic natures.  When a man gets oneitis, more often that not, he might as well be holding a giant, imaginary sign that states, “Average Frustrated Chump.”  Women avoid this like the plague, and when they see it, depending on the phase they’re in, not even Beta Bucks will help you. 

Countless romantic movies show men falling for a woman, being the “nice guy”, and getting his oneitis.  That’s how it’s supposed to be.  That’s how a fem-centric society wants to weed out the weak betas.

I don’t hate love, I hate what it’s being used for.

 

The Problem Of Love

For decades now, the manosphere has been accused of being misogynist, as well as decrying the values of love.  I think I speak for most of the mainstream manosphere when I say, I “love” women.  What do I mean?

Well, when I say love in the dating / relationship world, I should be saying:
-I enjoy the female form
-I enjoy the female company
-I enjoy sex with an attractive female, all the emotions and feelings I get from experiencing pleasure with the opposite sex
-I respect and appreciate everything a female has to offer
-I have an incredible admiration for all the amazing things females can do that men can’t

So, if you must call these things love, then I guess I can be called guilty for “loving” women.

The main problem with love is that it’s an emotion you can’t have without consequences. 

Love precipitates in many forms, including good and bad, but all very legitimate.  It’s one of the rawest emotions.  It’s brutality and bliss.  It’s decadence and danger.  It’s volatility incarnate.  It’s chaos.  This is why it can be used very effectively by women, because as creatures of chaos, it’s in their very large wheelhouse.

No matter how the chips fall in the dating world,  saying that word invokes strong emotions from females.  It’s a game changer, and as many a man has found out (including yours truly), saying that word too quickly in a relationship spells the end of said relationship.  You can’t say it until she does, and even then the feeling may not be mutual.  She’s always got something else on her mind, and it’s probably not you.  Unless you have an understanding about the general nature of women, as well as their feelings on love, you don’t have the knowledge of the dynamics involved.  The red pill alleviates many of these pitfalls.

The Responsibility of Love

Love is not harmless.  It’s not a fleeting emotion.  It’s a big deal, and it can get men into a lot of trouble.  When men love, there are many caveats attached to this love, including financial, emotional, and physical support of their woman.  This is how society expects men to show their love.  Women certainly don’t need this love, as they are capable of supporting themselves, but throughout early to dawn of the 20th century history, the man has been the bedrock of a relationship, creating the “bubble” which the woman had operated in. 

Then, with the advent of the Sexual Revolution of the 1960’s, women awoke to a new day where they controlled the dynamic, and they have not wrested control of it.  They were the bubble, they made the decisions, they played the part.  The sexual strategies being employed to this day developed in the past 50 years, and continue to evolve.

This is how society has been built.  Love no longer represents a harmless feeling, it’s very real, and if men aren’t prepared, can be damaging beyond belief.  It also represents a huge financial windfall for anyone wanting to make money off of it’s effects, from businesses marketing products, to family law, to state and federal governments, to churches, love’s for sale.  And if you choose not to play the game of love?  You’re a misogynist who’s been wronged far too many times by women.  Shame, guilt, and ridicule await you.

I don’t condone hating love.  My job is to make men aware of what it entails, what it stands for, and what it really means to be in love.  Love was sold as a good thing, suspending men in the good life, being happy, having sex, everything you were told it was about.

However, love is no longer a fruitless emotion, it is a responsibility.  And when presented like that, it’s not all roses and silk sheets.  I’m here to tell you that it’s not. 

As many wise men have stated, one cannot fully embrace the love of another without first securing the love of oneself.

One of the biggest adjustments of being red pill aware is not only the cynicism of love, but also the promise of how love can truly be fulfilled.  One thing that red pill knowledge has afforded me is the ability to realize more amazing relationships.  When you know what I know, you can approach love and relationships with logic, and still revel in the joys, feelings, and sensations of it.

Love is like fire.  It can be controlled, harnessed for good, but only after you know how to deal with it properly.  So educate yourself, so you can truly love again.


 

Leagues

Photo Credit:  Elle Magazine / “Knocked Up”
As the new year is upon us, I have taken some time off to get my mind right, as well as get ready for my upcoming podcast.  However, I wanted to fire off a quick blog post, discussing something that I had mentioned on my twitter feed, and a topic that has been discussed at length in the manosphere.
Also, the topic of today’s blog, that of “leagues”, was the center of a heated debate among my family during the holiday break.  As my last relationship ended, many in my circle were very supportive of me, but the questions arose about the “type” of woman I was looking for.  
Was I “aiming too high”?  Convinced that I was not “being realistic” about the type of women I “needed” to start looking at?  Were they “out of my league”?
This begs the question, “What are leagues and how do they work?”
No doubt you’ve heard the expression, “She’s out of your league.”  It’s an expression that basically equates to a girl being too attractive for certain class of guys.   The HB Scale, which I’ve talked about on here briefly, show’s where a woman lands on a man’s scale of attractiveness.  Women obviously have a way to gauge a man’s attractiveness, and as looks, personality, and game go, they are very important in the world.  There’s no getting around it.
But what makes leagues so important is that thanks to hypergamy and the feminine imperative (FI), they have been implemented to have men pre-qualify themselves before even approaching a woman.  The simple statement of “she’s out of your league” tells a man to not even try to approach an HB 8-9 because he’s been convinced the best he can ever get is a 6 or 7.
Credit:  Sunny Street / Max Garcia
This is done on purpose.  The reason you see many of the memes and comics today of women at the office dismissing (or even reporting) a unattractive beta male who compliments her versus a hot alpha who compliments her and she’s in bed with that same night, is because of hypergamy, and the use of leagues (hence the double standard).  
Men are naturally polygamous, women are naturally hypergamous.  This makes the use of leagues as just another buffer for women to get the best possible mate.  There are always exceptions to these rules, of course, but human nature doesn’t lie.
So what does this mean?  It means the sooner you know a woman’s true nature (red pill), the sooner you can understand that one of the many ways women pre-screen their male choices is by creating the “league”.  As Rollo and Michelangelo stated, “it’s not that you aim too high and miss, it’s that you aim too low and succeed.”
The bottom line:  As soon as you realize that leagues are an invention to dismiss your worth to a woman, the sooner you realize that you can have any woman you want.  Any woman.
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. Michelangelo
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/michelangelo_108779

 

Know Your Worth and Increase It

Of course, Rollo has a great deal to speak about leagues, but I bring this up because of what happened to me personally.  As I have been dating quite a bit, I have bumped up against this use by some women of the “out of your league”, but I’ve never really spoke about it until the debate with some of my family over the holiday.
As the topic came up, it dealt with the class of woman that I have been dating, or attempting to date.  A comment was made that I need to “stay in my lane” in terms of women, by my ex-wife as it turned out (I am still very good friends with her).  Her ideas of the type of woman I would date were out of whack, as well as funded in fantasy.  My last relationship was with an HB 7-8, and this surprised certain members of my family.  But you can see the underlying codex, that of leagues, permeates the fabric of dating life.  
It shows you just how much the FI affects the world in pursuit of their goals.
The statements made were mostly about the type of girl I should be looking for, rather than the type of girl I want.  And while I understand the concern of my family as they feel like I’ll be let down but thinking I can have any woman, I can also attest to the fact that I won’t disqualify myself without giving it a shot.  And Wayne Gretsky stated, “We miss 100% of the shots we don’t take.”  But my success with women has increased a ton just by throwing off what I am “supposed” to do and not “staying in my lane.”
But this realization also comes with a side of cold, hard truths.  Knowing what you know about leagues still won’t get you into bed with an HB9.  And bagging such a woman should not be your primary goal. 

You need to work.  Work on yourself.  Work on your physique, work on your game, work on you.  You’ll find that if your self improvement is primary goal, the secondary goals will start becoming easier, especially when gaming women.  Nothing substitutes for hard work.  When you up yourself, you make the percentages of success that much more attainable.

Women are people, just like you and I.  They are nothing special, and those that think they are delude themselves and their followers.  The more you approach women, the more comfortable you get with it.  The notion of a league is an invented nonsense.  The sooner you realize that, the better.
So, as you go into this new year, remove another imagined barrier between yourself and the girls you want.   
There is no such thing as a league. 

Why Do This?

Throughout my red pill journey, questions inevitably come up when I’m talking with friends, family, and men I’m trying to reach about why I decided to do this whole thing.

There is an inherent risk to what I am doing, as it completely flies in the face of everything I was taught, as well as it’s not exactly politically correct to believe certain aspects of the Red Pill.

One thing I stress as a RP aware blogger is the conditions that I describe that happened to me are not unique to my situation.  I speak about my experience with certain women because what has been described at length in the manosphere HAS happened to me.

The RP narrative hits close to home for me because of the women I’ve been with.  But this certainly doesn’t apply to all women, as dealing in generalities is a dangerous game that I won’t play. 

As I type this, I’m constantly bombarded with articles citing the RP as a misogynistic practice put forth by losers who have an axe to grind with women they were dumped by, who they couldn’t ask out, or who cheated on them.  They claim that the manosphere is rife with basement dwelling keyboard jockeys who couldn’t get laid, much less get a woman to notice them.  They claim that the RP gives men unlimited reasons to trash women, complain about not getting laid, contemplate violent thoughts, and other horrible issues that RP is sometimes attached to.

However, this is not the red pill I know.  This is sects of crazies dedicated to perverting red pill truths into their own distorted reality.  There is blame of women for their lot in life.  These are the incels.  This is misogyny.  This is anger.  These are men who need help.  

I wish to pursue a more blatant definition of the red pill, that of positive masculinity.  A man must take responsibility for himself, his circumstances, and make the best choice available.  A man must constantly work to improve himself, not only for him, but for those who rely on him.  A man must be a father, to support his children in a positive role, helping to raise them to become well adjusted adults.

As many studies have shown, a strong, masculine presence is essential to raising a well adjusted child.  Men need to grow up and take responsibility for their choices, which in many situations they don’t.  I can’t tell you the amount of dead beat dads that I know of, who ran off to whatever they were after, only to leave their kids and significant other in need of that masculine presence.  A man needs to lead, not cut and run.  We as men need to take the reins back and show people how amazing dads are, and continue to raise the next generation to know how to be a successful husband and father.  

There are many more areas a man can take more responsibility.  A man can take care of his own birth control.  Wearing a condom not only prevents sexually transmitted diseases, but it also prevents unwanted pregnancies, as well as showing a woman you’re in control of your body.  Men need to take a greater role in birth control.

I love women.  Femininity is an amazing thing that I absolutely adore.   That being said, there are many women out there that fit the red pill narrative to a tee.  Helping men to recognize these signs and what they can do to maximize their efforts with women in their lives is only going to strengthen the bonds between both sexes.  Some women won’t say no to a better man, especially one who exhibits more alpha tendencies.  And studies do show that women do prefer aggressive, alpha based males over their counterparts.  The dads or cads allure is real (also known in the manosphere as “Alpha Fucks and Beta Bucks”).  Alpha males, in my opinion, are real, or at least their most attractive tendencies are.

Also, there is a concerted effort by crazy feminists to destroy men.  They do want equality, they want a gender war.  I’m not only staunchly against misogyny, but the natural lean of some fringe feminists is to spread misandry, which is just as bad as misogyny.  Two wrongs don’t make a right.  Men and women are equal, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t different.  Both sexes have strengths and weaknesses.  And yes, I do believe in traditional gender roles.  But the fight against the traditional gender roles can go too far sometimes.

We can’t even have a Christmas song

Source:  Craig James, The Family Alpha

Why do I do this?

Men need to be men again.

Why do I do this?

I want to share my experiences with other men to help them become better.

Why do I do this?

Because men are being portrayed as expendable, and we aren’t even the majority sex on this planet.

Why do I do this?

Because men are reaching out in their loveless marriages to me, and asking me what they can do to be with their wives intimately again.

Why do I do this?

Because sex is one of the most important things in a relationship for men. And any man that tells you different doesn’t know what he’s talking about.  As Rollo Tomassi states, “Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together.”

But the most important reason is a lesson to all men.  A lesson a friend of mine learned first hand, and a lesson I won’t forget:

I had a very good friend from college some 20 years ago whom I kept in touch with.  He was a great dad, great husband, and was as I was, a blue pill beta.  He married his wife after they met in college, and she was his one and only sexual partner.  We grew apart, as some friends do, but I always made it a point to at least call him once or twice a year to see how he was.  His kids were just a bit older than mine, and we’d talk about our lives.  

One night, he reached out to me when I was still married, and was concerned about his marriage.  He and his wife had not had sex in over a year, and there he was, in a loveless marriage.  He was out of shape, working a job he hated, and concerned that something had happened.  I simply told him, in my blue pill state at that time, that “everything will work out.  Just be yourself.  Go to counseling with your wife if you think there’s a problem.”  

After that conversation, I didn’t talk to him much anymore.  After some sporadic conversations about two months later, I lost touch with him.  It wasn’t until about 5 years ago that his name came up again, this time, for something that shocked me as a man to the core.

I had a chance to catch up with a mutual friend at a bar.  I asked how my friend was, and she replied very solemnly.  

Turns out, my friend had attempted counseling with his wife.  They went for a few sessions, but she abruptly stopped going.  One day, she approached him with the news.  She had been cheating on him for over 2 years with a guy she met at work.    She said she didn’t love him anymore, and he was devastated.  He had done everything by the book and had wasted his life on a woman who didn’t love or respect him.  And all because he was doing what society said he was supposed to do. 

As our mutual friend spoke, her voice cracked.  “He committed suicide just three months after he found out.  It was heartbreaking.”  I couldn’t believe it.  I was speechless.  

This story speaks to all men.  It spoke to me, and it and other stories like it drive me to make men better for themselves.  I can’t save those who we’ve lost, but I can try to prevent this from happening again.


Men are 3.5 times more likely to commit suicide than women.  I need to do what I can to help remember those like my friend, who had his whole life ahead of him, but was never unplugged to live life for himself.  I can’t save him anymore, but I can save myself, and I can save other men.

I can attempt to push back, from our terribly unfair family court system in the US to cataloging my attempts to learn game, from chronicling my life as a father to my constant state of learning about interpersonal relationships between men and women, but my wish is to inform.

To sum it up, Chris Rock recently released a comedy special that has a controversial quote, but one I tend to believe in to some extent.  It certainly drives home some points of the blue pill world I experienced:

I want my life to be a blueprint for how to be a red pill man.  I want to raise my kids with a strong, masculine presence.  I want to be the best version of myself I can be.  

And now, you know why I do this.  

Hypergamy

Photo credit:  The Modern Man

Recently, I’ve seen quite a few posts on SoSuave and other manosphere forums about Hypergamy and how important a role it plays in our current dating atmosphere in 2018.

Hypergamy, as it’s definition states, is “the action of marrying a person of a superior caste or class.”
However, in using it with respect to today’s Western civilization terms, it is an innate, involuntary response by females to seek out a mate of high quality.   Most of the time, depending on her sexual market value and where she is in that process, she’ll either fall for the alpha male, or the best beta male she can get.

While this can be a daunting situation to deal with, for the beta male, it is insurmountable.  With a beta male’s lack of confidence, lack of leadership, lack of masculinity, hypergamy takes no prisoners.  Many a beta has seen his hopes dashed after a quick bout of oneitis has manifested itself, then turned into anger and frustration after his precious lady has jumped on an alpha’s cock.  After all, Hypergamy doesn’t care

So what is one to do?  Many of the posts I’ve seen put hypergamy into an all powerful, unassailable obstacle.  This drives men to claim they have no control over the effects of hypergamy, leading them down the path of incels, looksmaxing, and general misogyny.

So how can men react to this evolutionary ideal?  By bettering themselves.

Look, I can’t give you a silver bullet.  Women are driven by finding the best male they can.  No matter how hard you try, there will always be someone better than you.

But, using self enrichment, you can become the best version of yourself, thereby increasing your chances with hotter and hotter women.  Find a hobby.  Focus on your career.  WORK OUT.  Read.  Learn.  When you have knowledge, you gain confidence.  Women will start to take notice of your newest advantages.  And suddenly, a woman in your life will not be the most important thing, just another benefit of your new outlook.

It works.  Experience for me is the greatest teacher.  Last year, I dated a girl for about 3 months and was a complete beta.  She dumped me, and it was then I decided to work on me, find myself, learn, grow.  Now, with this new found confidence, improved physique, and knowledge I’ve afforded myself, the attraction from other women is real.

Do this.  It’s not a woman’s fault if she’s not attracted to you.  It’s yours.  Get off your ass and get to work. 

My extensive knowledge of this subject comes from Rollo Tomassi and the Rational Male.  He is the best authority I know for matters of the man.  Check out his blog and also read his books