Trads or Chads

Photo Credit: BBC

The “manosphere”, a phrase that many times is just a catch all for men who are working against the feminist movement, working for men to re-take their lives, and working to educate men on their roles in this world, has recently had a split. But it’s not the split of egos or personal differences I’m talking about. It’s the perceived split between traditional men (Trads) and men who are still teaching basic PUA and interactions with females, touting “at times” the “enjoy the decline” mantra.

I will honestly say that these men and the camps they’ve formed, are NO different from each other. They all believe the same things, they all are unplugged and “red pilled” as well as under the same forward thinking that modern men need to be under.

The sphere, for years, has split against itself with one side claiming red pill purity and the other side claiming life after the red pill and men bettering themselves. Both are correct. Both are needed. Red pill is a truth moment, with it’s many branches, but it isn’t a blue print on how to live, it simply is a list of truths that a man must accept in order to move on with his life, especially with concern to women. Both are supposed to work in concert, with red pill guys dropping truth bombs, then PUA / life guys taking over to keep those truths in the man’s life, and crafting a life that these truths become a cornerstone of. But the truths are REQUIRED or a man to accept to move forward. He can’t halfheartedly accept them without knowing full well that they will change his life for the better if he adheres to them completely. He has to.

If he doesn’t, none of the other crap matters, because he’s still living in an illusion. If he does accept, the “trad” men take over and push a man to live for himself first, and a woman is a compliment to his life, not a reason.

Physical and mental fitness, style, diet, and other aspects are then put to this man, with him taking responsibility for creating a life that is truly his.

Gurus, dudes looking to make a buck, regular guys, etc, all vying to help this man with his life. None of this is wrong.

Once again, for the people in the back, there are no differences in these men’s thinking. Guys need the help, especially guys who have taken and accepted the pill. They are vulnerable out of the womb again, so men on the sphere are taking these guys and helping them.

The differences, as I will spell out here, put me in neither of the camps, and in the big scheme of things, are a hair that doesn’t need splitting, but will no doubt be split for years to come, as it has for years before.

Chads

The hard core red pill guys are out there everyday and they have a point.

They run with mantras such as “She’s not yours, it’s just your turn” as well as the other oft repeated phrases that have made this sphere the sphere that it is. Remember, it all begins and ends with the red pill, which is why guys like Rollo, Dalrock, Pook, Roosh, and Roissey will always have a voice long after they are gone. The reason these guys and their content will always be around is because it’s truth. It connects men throughout the world with the truth that’s been withheld from them forever. These buzz words and phrases, while trite and over used, form the basis of the truths men should be taught at a young age, but rarely are. Feminism is a huge problem that is only getting worse as we get into the more “woke” decade.

PUA’s are working on this side as well, and while notch count is king in many of their worlds, it stands to reason that getting better with women is one of the best and most useful applications of the red pill. You can’t be a better man without learning to be better with women. And men by the truckload want to be better with women. Men are sexual, so they’re buying what the manosphere and the red pill are selling. And it’s an easy sell because guys want to sleep with hot women.

The “enjoy the decline” guys have a point, albeit one that isn’t easily applied to an unplugged man’s life. The philosophy of ETD is a philosophy based on red pill truths but doesn’t give a man anything other than notches and a bit of an empty life to look back at. I think that many men require a purpose, with the purpose of bedding all manner of girls being fine for a period in a man’s life, but not the end all be all. This is why the red pill is a praxeology at first, and not the whole ball of wax that men need. Truly, living the red pill life has many advantages, but it doesn’t give men enough to truly move forward. It only shows men a general list of concepts to deal with women and move forward socially.

Which is why I don’t fall into this category. I do believe that men need to have experience with women and need to meet as many and experience as much from all women have to offer before deciding on an LTR. But I also believe that they need to have that LTR. Many of the red pill purists are in LTR’s or marriages. They’ve pursued red pill ideals to conclusions that go against some of the red pill purity crowd in never getting bogged down in marriage or LTR’s and notch count as king. I also believe that marriage is still a viable option, as most MGTOW or other red pill groups will tell men to avoid at all costs. Also, the RP decries women having any input at all on their side of it. “Don’t talk about Fight club” is all too prevalent. But I think women’s input, showing the results of what the red pill brings to men, can add to the sphere, just as long as they don’t dictate behaviors, but instead show how the behaviors learned can affect a positive relationship with the opposite sex.

The single mom dilemma isn’t a dilemma to Chads, as they avoid them at all costs. But I disagree with their thinking that ALL single moms are terrible wastes looking for men as a meal ticket or substitute father. There are many good ones out there I have dated not looking at victim hood as a cash cow, but putting their heads down and making no excuses for their lives. This is where I split with the Chad crowd. And while I’m in no danger of wifeing up a single mom for sex, it does happen and men need to avoid women who are damaged just looking for money to help them rectify mistakes they’ve made on another man’s bill. It’s about living life on your terms with all the education to back that up.

I still and always will be a red pill adherent. But I do believe that there is more to a man’s life than that, but it is the key that unlocks a vast majority of it.

The value lies in the fact that these truths will always be there for men willing to learn and accept them. And for that, they will be eternally important and a required part of the sphere. But there’s more.

Trads

Trads, or the beard wearing, lumberjack looking, weight lifting tough guys that have propagated the manosphere (I’m probably one cause I have a beard), have really taken off in the past year. We are seeing men living the manly virtues, all while trying to push red pill truths. We’ve seen the religious right show up in this group, with Christianity and some Islam being thrown into the manosphere for good measure. And why shouldn’t they? These religions are based on men leading and having a strong masculine presence. Islam, especially, hasn’t really been infiltrated by feminism as Christianity has. But the religious right will continue to lay claim to parts of the manosphere and what parts haven’t been feminized will continue to play a part at the table of traditional masculinity.

But many of the religious messages are not compatible with red pill truths, especially since we’ve seen a massive invasion of feminism in the church.

While the Chads set the truth, the Trads take it to conclusions. These are the life action guys such as the workout gurus, the dudes who demonstrate in life what actionable masculinity entails. They give the guidelines based on the red pill and how men need to live their lives in a red pill manner. If the red pill is the road map, the trad world is the transportation to get there.

Empowering men after they become unplugged has always been a dicey business because the temptation of the romantic, blue pill stories that get in men’s heads. The truth still needs someone to carry it to realization, men who have lived the pill and everything it stands for.

While I don’t relate to Chads on certain levels, I don’t relate to Trads on others.

True, I am a single father. True, I do believe that a long term relationship and marriage are still in the cards for many men. But every time traditional masculinity tries to up end or re-brand the red pill, they fail miserably. It shouldn’t be rebranded, and it can’t be re-invented. It’s a part of the sphere, regardless of if we think it should be or not. It’s a baseline realization that many men have to come to and it can’t be gotten around.

Marriage, as good as it can be, is not for every man. There are many men out there who are risk averse and also don’t have the inclination for any kinds of long term relationship, and that is okay.

Trads will also call on women to help shape and work on communicating the red pill, but they can’t effectively negotiate that side of it. This is where men on this side need to use their own success stories with their wives as motivation for men to show them what marriage, on their own terms, can truly be.

They also believe that many single moms are fine to date, as the Chads will tell you avoid them. Many single moms are damaged and looking for a meal ticket. They want a child to have a father figure because their worthless ex is not holding up his side of it. But there are quite a few single mothers I have dated that don’t ask for that. They have a father that cares and they aren’t in need of a man to father up the kids.

I also believe that sex, as a vital part of a man’s life, regardless of his morals, is still too important in any relationship to be disregarded. Red pill purists also believe this, and they are correct. Sex is much too important to try and gloss over.

The Two Sided Coin

So here we go, the two sided coin. A quarter is heads or tails, but it’s still worth 25 cents regardless of which side it lands on. That’s what this issue in in a nutshell. While we all may flex our perspective at times, all of it is good if in the end it’s establishing a man’s own choice as the correct one. Regardless of how he gets there, as long as he accepts the truth and chooses his life of his own accord, it’s a crap shoot on how to accomplish it.

There are no absolutes except the truth. And the truth will set you free. Other than that, the manosphere is one gigantic gray area. What work all of these men are doing, regardless of who says what, and who fronts how, is trying to keep men from making real mistakes that will cost them far more in the end. Money, time, even their lives. No man on this sphere wants to see a man take his own life. And that’s what we are all working towards. To make men satisfied and strong in their own lives. And making their own choices to that end, and holding them accountable.

It may not be pretty, but we are all living examples of men who’ve weathered hard times to come out ahead. And we’ve all done it on the red pill.

So regardless of which side you’re on, I’m telling you that the men I see and talk to on this side are preaching the truth, regardless of flex. They are trying to get men away from the feminist dream and trying to put them on solid ground that they alone negotiate. Men have to live life by their own rules, and it’s time for the sides to come together to make that happen.

It won’t, but I can always be hopeful.

For now, I choose not to be on either side. They both have their advantages, but both need to bridge the gap to really get to helping men the best way, by combining their forces. I will continue to be a demon for both sides because I don’t fully subscribe to either ideology. Because we need real world solutions besides broad platitudes to really help men in every situation. But, alas, we will be here for a while yet.

But, here’s the thing. Reasonable takes are needed in all aspects of a man’s life, and a platitude that pushes too far on either side shouldn’t be accepted.

But we still have the gaps, and we still have the disagreements, and we’ll still have it for years to come.

So I continue to work laboring under the common sense approach to all of this, what’s right is right, what’s wrong is wrong, but as long as you own it and do it on your own terms, you are living life right.

The Purity Test

When I entered the “manosphere” (I really wish we could come up with a better name, but it’s stuck and will forever) in September of last year, I entered a sphere chocked full of men trying to help other men, either by profit or not, and growing unity with conventions, workshops, and meet and greets out to help other men. In fact, when I started The Red Pill Dad account, I was finally on board after a dead end decade long marriage had ended in 2016.

I, just like other men who come to this world for help, was bitter and jaded from a marriage and divorce, as well as bad relationships with BPD girls, an overweight dominatrix, as well as four relationships that had ended with either me cheating, her flaking, or a little of both. So I was starved for some kind of guidance. While in the dark times of 2016 in the middle of my divorce, nearly jobless, stressed, depressed and suicidal, disowned by my family for daring to do my own thing, I bought a book called “The Rational Male” and it did indeed change my life. Rollo’s information (at that time had been floating around the manosphere for over a decade if not longer) did light a spark in me. I’m forever grateful to Rollo for his book.

As I got further in, I met amazing men such as Hunter Drew, Jack Murphy, Rian Stone, ADJ, Alexander JA Cortes, Ed Latimore, and saw a very good camaraderie and an amazing group of people who were just what I was looking for to help me not only continue to find out who I am, but also, as I morphed into the man today TW Beckett from The Red Pill Dad, I’ve also understood that all of these men, and I do mean all of them, have been through some shit. I came here to learn how to take back control of my life, learn to deal with women after half a lifetime of struggling, and better myself by doing hard things. My journey is mine, and there are parts I share that are difficult, and may show me as less of a man, but I can’t change the past, I can only learn from it.

While I’ve only been on this side of the world or what is called the “manosphere” for a little over a year, I’ve seldom commented on the ongoing beef between the factions. I don’t like it, I think it’s dumb, and I want it to end and all sides come to an agreement, so we can all move on to helping men. In particular, I’ve watched anon accounts throwing bombs at good men who I’ve become friends with without any acknowledgement of their own issues. I hold my tongue often because I know it’s just internet trolls and twitter fucks are a dime a dozen.

I don’t have a dog in this fight, but when good men are run down because of the bullshit they either had to or chose to endure in the past, I have to speak up. Call it white knighting if you must, but these are men I’ve met, I know, are heads of organizations that I am a part of, and wear the scars of their shitty choices every day as warnings to those of us who could be in their situations.

The Test

There is an ongoing purity test in the manosphere that men who’ve endured some shit don’t have the moral chops to lead other men or talk to men about how to be better. If they’ve had a significant other cheat on them, participated in some type of wife swapping or cuckoldry, served time, sells services as a “life coach”, etc. I don’t do any of that shit, and I’ve never had any type of issues with cheating (I’ve cheated many times) but it still stands to reason that every man has a story to tell, has done some things that he isn’t proud of, and learned from those things to come and show men how to endure and get through the tough times to get to where you are today. I appreciate men who show who they are, what happened to them, and what they and I can learn from their experiences. If the manosphere is anything, it’s about men going through hell to get back to taking control of their lives, and if men are buying Rollo’s book, they’re going through hell and have been wronged by a woman at some point.

The purity test comes in when a man’s past is questioned as whether he can lead and motivate other men. I can’t say this enough, EVERY MAN IN THE MANOSPHERE HAS BEEN UNPLUGGED. Every last one. In the many conversations I’ve had with many men, that fact cannot be overstated.

In my personal discussions with many of these men, nothing has come across such as “marry the girl you love”, “she’s the one”, or any other shit like that. Do you know why? Because they’ve all read Rollo. They all know the score. They all have the iron rules memorized. The mistakes they made in the past LED them to unplug and not ever fall for the shit again.

That’s a majority of the manosphere, and men that I talk to on a daily basis tell me that they are glad they’ve found us and that we can help them, but the daily bomb throwing is taking away from the message. But it is what it is.

Whenever you throw a purity test in the mix, whether you’re an anon in the manosphere or a pearl clutching feminist, history has shown again and again that there is no one pure enough. There will always be skeletons in closets that will be red meat for those that think certain people shouldn’t be leading or producing diatribes for one way of life or another. There will always be someone who is more pure, has more of a moral high ground (or so they think) and can throw morality bombs with impunity. The internet adds to this effect because of anonymity. I dare say if most of these trolls showed their real faces, we’d see them as the same broken men that we see talking to us about putting our lives back together.

So far, the purity test of the manosphere that I’ve observed is:

  • don’t have a woman cheat on you and take her back
  • don’t allow your woman to sleep with another man willingly (cuck)
  • don’t go to jail for a petty crime that now involves a legal substance
  • don’t try to sell your advice
  • don’t council men to fall in love, give flowers, show affection or emotion, etc.
  • Can’t or shouldn’t ever raise another man’s kids
  • have a long term marriage with a woman that is in your frame

So far, it looks as if this follows a “purity” test pretty well. We see internet tough guys and anons firing off these tests in rapid succession as a front to those men who wish to help others but shouldn’t because they aren’t “pure”.

If guys are using the above criteria for grading men who are leading this manosphere, no one would pass the smell test.

I pass on almost all of the purity test, except the long term frame stuff, but I’ll get that box checked with flying colors. If we are going to use Rollo and his life as our litmus test, he escaped with his life from a terrible BPD relationship and has raised a daughter and a wife as a leader, exactly the same shit that all of these men teach other men.

We’ll never know the whole story of the beef, but if one side can toss shit at the other and vice versa, we can see the real issues come to a boil in the form of men just not liking each other. Everyone teaches the same stuff, it’s just a matter of time before it all boils up.

Men in need of our help come in all shapes and sizes. They’ve been through the shit of life. They have no idea how to deal with women. And all you are doing by screwing with dudes who are trying to lead and bring up their pasts is hurting the cause that we all believe in, that men can and do take second chances. That’s what the red pill is to a lot of men. A second chance to make better choices with their lives, especially with women.

I don’t condone any of this shit, regardless of what side it comes from. But I do understand that it’s taking away from what we are trying to do here, and it’s not going to change any time soon.

But I also don’t like any men who show their asses to degrade other men, and both sides do it. It’s childish and it’s taking away the important work every man is trying to do.

How in the hell are men supposed to get better when asshats bring up their past mistakes? How are men who’ve participated in cuckoldry, a cheating spouse, or other incidents supposed to get help when they are made fun of at every point to try and degrade their contributions to the ‘sphere?

These are men just like you and I, who’ve made mistakes and are learning from them and taking these dark times and pushing through. If you don’t like it, fine. But the red pill doesn’t care what any man’s been through, it only cares about how to get that man back on his feet.

I stand with those who stand with me, who own their mistakes and refuse to back down in the face of such arrogance and stupidity.

I stand with the men making it happen every day, I stand with those who made mistakes and own up to them, not those the provide an invisible goal that changes every day with how they live their lives. These are men trying to get better, realizing their flaws, and working to make them better.

Hunter Drew and Jack Murphy have done nothing but support me and help me grow in my following. They are fellow fathers who’ve made mistakes and have owned up to them and are trying to help fellow men not make the same mistakes.

I can’t, in good conscience, support people who consistently beat down men who’ve made horrible mistakes, all while trying to promote helping men because of some stupid feud. It’s counter-productive to what we are all about and it’s a masturbatory exercise that only boosts the egos of those who choose that path.

If this means I choose a side, I guess I do.

You should pick on some one your own size, because Hunter Drew and Jack Murphy aren’t even close to you.

Bring it. I’m ready for your ridicule. And I don’t give a flying fuck what you say, it doesn’t affect me in the least. But do so with the caveat that other men are watching you act like children, and are taking notes as to who’s who and who’s on what side.

So add another chump to the mix of your “purple pill” gurus, even though I’m not purple pill and I’m certainly not a guru. My life is on my pages at my blog and you can comb through it to your heart’s content to make fun of me. I don’t raise another man’s kids, I’m no cuck, and I’m not taking back an ex.

The Rational Male was written for guys just like me, Hunter, and Jack. We needed that knowledge in our lives, and we continue to use it every day. It’s not a punch line, it’s a way of life men need. But wrong or right, it’s about acting like you’ve been there.

But I wish I was, because I’m not half the man these guys are, nor will I ever be. They’ve accomplished more than I have, they’ve led men to get their lives back together, and they’ve allowed me to join their ranks and given me great knowledge to help me on my own journey. I’d gladly take these men working to help guys unplug than a meme generator that throws bombs any day.

So you have another “purple pill cuck” to throw bombs at. Block me, talk shit, there’s plenty to make fun of. I make no excuses nor do I hold back on what I’ve been through.

My journey will continue with a few less people on board, but it will be real, it will be open, and it will be unapologetic.

Bring it or grow the fuck up and get to work helping men.

They’re watching all of us.

The Bitch is Back

Photo Credit: Make Him Yours

So a very recent phenomenon has happened to me a few times in the past couple of months and I couldn’t resist the chance to write about it.

About eight months ago, I was sitting in a local coffee shop working on my blog when I got a good IOI looking up from my computer of a HB 7 typing away on her laptop in the same vicinity.

I approached, sat down, and started talking to her. We hit it off pretty well. She was one of my very first approaches.

I closed and got her number. I called her and we set up a date.

As the date got closer, she contacted me and abruptly cancelled. Really no explanation except she was “really busy with work.”

But we all know what that means in fem-speak. She was spinning plates. And it’s okay for her to do that.

The old me would not have understood that. But we’re in Red Pill me time now.

I never heard from her again. Until…

Just recently, I had posted a updated workout pic as I am working very hard to improve my physique. Low and behold, I get a text from her.

“So how are you?”

Of course, my first text was, “who is this?” (I knew, but I also knew why she was texting)

“It’s Trish. I was thinking about you, wanted to see what you were up to.”

I replied coldly, “Doing my thing. What can I do for you?”

“Well, I was wanting to see if you wanted to meet up and get some coffee sometime.” she weakly stammered.

I responded directly. “I appreciate the offer, however, I really don’t make it a habit of going out with girls who cancel dates and never return texts or calls.”

She tried to apologize, but I wasn’t having it. I cut her off and said my goodbyes.

Anatomy of a Bandwagon Bitch

This whole situation was thought provoking for two reasons:

  1. If this was the old me, I would’ve gone out with her in a split second and,
  2. This was a textbook example of what the manosphere is always preaching about with hypergamy.

So before we go into the two issues above, let’s analyze the woman who was doing this above.

She’s 28, brunette, business professional. She’s hot enough to have 20-30 orbiters around her at all times for validation and ego enhancement. She won’t stay in one place for very long, having a ton of casual sex but not owning up to it, and when she does have a relationship, it lasts at most a few months. In a word, she’s “flighty.”

In her hummingbird world, there will always be a better man. Until there isn’t. In the female game of musical chairs just before her epiphany phase, she’s hedging her bets to get the best possible “beta bucks” all while having her last flings with alphas that she hopes to “change” before she hits the wall.

Women like this are fighting the inevitable, trying desperately to keep the epiphany phase at bay. But as we all know, the check comes due sooner rather than later.

Why Now?

Which is why I wasn’t the least bit surprised when this particular girl was coming up on my phone.

From eight months ago until now, I have improved my wardrobe, lost 20 pounds, and have been steadily improving my approaching, confidence, and demeanor. So I was at least aware of the possibility of this happening, however, what got me thinking was the TYPES of women who were coming back trying to “give me the pleasure of having her in her life” as one Bandwagon Bitch put it.

The few that have come crawling back try to trick themselves into thinking they aren’t crawling at all. As with all female solipsism examples like casual sex that doesn’t count or the universe representing only her views, they feel like now I’m “good enough” to include in their “spectacular” lives.

But the old me wouldn’t have figured this out. I would’ve been happy if a HB 7 came calling at all, and would’ve done all I could do to make it work, even when she cheated on me years later because she’s bored.

The societal landscape has changed.

These are single women essentially acting like single men. And we as a society are okay with that.

But as we shun single men because they “refuse” to settle down or “grow up”, we celebrate single women as powerful because they don’t do that. We aren’t empowering females by encouraging them to act like males, we’re killing the woman that lies naturally within her, cutting off nourishment.

The consequences of such a paradigm shift are starting to show.

As we are seeing more and more, there’s buyer’s remorse from betas on their flighty wives, post wall women regretting they didn’t have kids or live the life of a woman, and lonely middle aged feminists looking for men to “man up, grow a pair” and take on them and their kids.

But like I said, there’s a new me in town.

I chose not to fall for the bull, and as with most things in the manosphere, knowledge is power, and she played right into obscurity.

Don’t Fall For It

The reason the manosphere talks so much about things like this is that they DO happen. And this is just another example of it. Knowing what to look for and how to avoid it can only help you achieve a level of awareness that will keep you focused when a girl of better attributes does enter your life.

However, the most disturbing thing about this is that, somewhere, at some point, some guy will take the bait and be stuck with this nightmare. And those are the men that I’m trying to reach everyday. They must not make this mistake, or they’re in for a world of hurt.

So as you’re working on your quality, be mindful that some girl you’ve approached or been intimate with is watching you and will be in touch again because you’re better than you were.

And without hesitation, please show this “Bandwagon Bitch” the door.

If she doesn’t like you when you’re at your worst, she doesn’t deserve you at your best.