The Chasm

Photo Credit: Suicide in Judaism

Four years ago this week, one of my good friends from college ended his life.

He was having a huge custody dispute with his ex-wife after she cheated on him with one of his friends. He was fighting for visitation rights for his two kids after he and his ex got into a fight and he was arrested and slapped with a restraining order. He had struggled for over a year with the divorce proceedings, losing his cool time and time again and seeing less and less of his kids.

So, the great equalizer, so he thought, was breaking in to his ex-wife’s apartment on a cold December Sunday and blowing his brains out in her dining room.

I can’t be sure of why he acted with such horrendous judgement. I can’t be sure that he was tired of the process and had no where to turn. He was alone, fighting for his kids, and getting kicked and punched in a metaphorical sense by the courts and his ex, so it seems plausible. He was looking for a symbolic gesture, the ultimate “fuck you” to his ex. I can’t put myself in his situation, although I’ve seen similar things happen to men, but I can’t possible fathom what he was thinking that terrible Sunday.

The story that seems to stick from his family and friends is that he was going to “make an example to his ex”.

What ended up happening was nothing like he planned.

His ex, after the initial shock, quietly called the police, had them clean up the mess, fake mourned with the kids, and resumed her life. Everything this horribly symbolic gesture he thought was supposed to get out of her, regret, sadness, misery, being lost, pining for him to come back, didn’t transpire. She cashed the life insurance check, went to the funeral, and then went on with her life.

That’s cold shit. But it’s also fucking reality.

The bottom line in this sad situation is that the only people affected by his selfish act were his kids, who don’t have a dad anymore, and his family, who are without a brother, uncle, and son.

The harsh truth: His ex didn’t give a flying fuck about his death.

His family has suffered for years this time of year because he decided to make a life ending decision. Instead of a holiday filled with happy times with him, his family mourns every year over the loss of this man.

And there lies the crux of why men are doing these terrible things to themselves.

Suicide in the United States is quickly becoming an epidemic. 7 out of 10 suicides are men. These men are similar in mindset to my friend. They feel they have to struggle with life’s problems alone, lest they be ridiculed and made to feel inferior for not dealing with their problems “like a man”. These men don’t go to therapy, as they think it makes them look weak, won’t solve their problems, or is a taboo brought down by other men who “have their lives together.” Society in general wants men to grow up and deal with their problems, but they give them absolutely no road map on how to accomplish that.

I’m sure, never in his wildest fantasies about his suicide, would he have imagined his ex coming in, taking a mop and bucket to his mess, wiping the walls with a wash cloth, and moving on with her life. Raw, isn’t it? It’s a messed up situation that he was hoping would end in his ex crying on his remains. But his story, just like all the others, ends the same. He’s not here anymore by his own hand. A selfish act intended to make a huge point ends up only costing some drywall, carpet, and bleach.

The chasm, or the breach that he was looking into, was one of symbolism, pain, hardship, and hopelessness that many men face everyday. But the issue here that I’m getting at is what they think they are doing by sacrificing their lives for some unknown principle, belief, or slight against someone, doesn’t even affect that person most of the time.

Men who feel they have no where to turn will often take their own lives because they lack any sort of out for their overwhelming feelings of depression. Many don’t want to go to therapy, join a men’s group, or talk to a religious leader because they fear they will look weak, be ridiculed, or have their dirty laundry aired to the congregation during Sunday brunch.

So they double down on doing the things they were doing that weren’t working to get out of the hole they’re in. Their feelings of potential embarrassment about being “broken” or needing help override their very real need to seek out professional or group help.

Don’t Be Afraid to Get Help

As I write this, I think about my own denial about getting help for my issues, until I actually broke down and went to a therapist. While therapy is STILL to this day looked down upon as being weak for men to do by society, it was the greatest thing that I have ever done. Not only did it help me get out of a tailspin of a marriage, it also got me my life back. It got me through the depression and rock bottom parts of my divorce where I was contemplating doing the same damn thing my friend did 4 years ago.

I got help, and I’m here today to tell men once again that getting help from someone, any one, will save your lives. But you have to reach out. Trust me, the help is there. I’ve found a men’s fraternity that has given me new life and more help than I could ever imagine. These new fraternities or men’s groups have the potential to help men so much. Therapy and talking to a neutral party can help a man get out the shit that’s weighing him down and making him suffer. The times are changing, but men’s problems are still the same. There are many outlets for you to grow and get better, but it starts with you getting over the idea that you, yourself, can get out of this mess. If you could, you wouldn’t be in it any more.

The chasm that many men face is too daunting, too difficult, too dark to try and traverse. So they give up and fall in. What they don’t see, what they never see, is the bridge just off in the distance, or the chasm closing a few miles down, or the path down the chasm that takes them to the other side with a little bit of work. Their vantage point is one of hopelessness, only seeing where they are standing at that point in time, looking down at their feet and the endless below. They can’t see, or perhaps don’t want to see, the whole picture because it doesn’t fit in their narration of how their life tragically ends. They put an emphatic period on their story by falling into the chasm without even stopping to think who it will affect, how, and why.

She Doesn’t Care

This brings me to the other issue of this blog post, that of the why. Many, many men commit suicide over a woman in their life. They see that she’s cheated on them, so just like my friend, their great equalizer is supposed to be a tragic death throe as their ex dives at them in horror at what they’ve done.

Let me be blunt guys.

The only women that you’re hurting when you pull the trigger are the women in your family. They’ve lost a son because he couldn’t get over a girl who easily got over him. Your sacrifice doesn’t mean SHIT to any girl that you feel it will. Your ex-wife or girlfriend doesn’t care about you killing yourself because of her. She’s already rid of you and all you’ve done is pointlessly, selfishly, ended your life to see what she’ll do.

You won’t fucking see it because you’ll be DEAD.

Many men don’t think any of this through when jaded by a lover or ex.

They just pull the trigger.

The pain of your loss won’t be felt by anyone except those that love you. You are selfishly stealing years away from them because you can’t handle the fact that a woman cheated on you, or left you. This is where you precisely need to “man up”.

Go to therapy, unplug and take control of your life instead of letting a woman with no interest make you do terrible things to yourself.

Crossing the Chasm

I miss my friend. I miss him every day. I miss him even more now knowing that I didn’t reach out like I should have, but even if I had, I don’t think he would’ve taken my help. What can men do to help? What can men do who are struggling? How can they cross the chasm?

I will recommend to men exactly what I did.

First, recognize you have a problem and you can’t solve said problem without help. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to reach out if you’re struggling. How will you overcome obstacles if you don’t have help?

I think of it like my Spartan career. When I trifecta’d in 2016, I needed a team of people to help me overcome obstacles. Sure, the ones I did alone made me feel like a bad ass, but still, I needed help with a wall, the rope climb, or a traverse wall, I had to have another man help me out. No shame in admitting that, nor is there shame in accepting the help. I still got my medal and my t-shirt, and I did it with teamwork. The same goes the other way. You can help others who need it by reaching out and asking them how they truly are, how their life is going, and where their hangups are.

Men have to realize that ANY chasm is not an impossible task. There are bridges, other people, and choke points that will get you across. You just have to believe. Just like lack of belief is strong in determining if a man will take his own life, the reverse can help save it. If a man knows there are ways out of his situation, he will be more willing to trudge on and fight. It’s when that belief doesn’t exist that he will spiral down into telling himself it’s hopeless.

It’s not hopeless, gentlemen.

It’s never hopeless.

I’m a shining example of what can be done if you truly reach out for help. I’ve only gained in my masculinity and my manhood by asking other men to help me achieve things in my own life.

Guys, if you are struggling with thoughts of suicide and depression in your life, the first thing you have to do is recognize the problem. The second thing you need to do is seek help from either a therapist, religious leader, or a men’s group of like minded men. The third? Action.

These things alone will help pull you from the chasm and get your life back on track. But be prepared to understand that it’s still on YOU and that you must take these steps to get your life back. The men can help you on the path, but you still have to take the steps to make it happen. Accountability and tough love are in for you, because you aren’t special, your problems are the problems of many other men, and a greater man can overcome these problems with relative ease compared to you.

You can’t just float and hope the wind blows. You still have to take positive, real ACTION for your life to get better. That’s the way it is and that’s the way it will always be. But the sooner you take action to pull yourself away from the chasm, the quicker your life will become a special work of art that has meaning to you again.

Guys, suicide and depression are real problems. I’m not going to pretend they don’t exist. But you have to reach out and get help. You have to accept you have a problem, you have to accept that you need help, and you have to accept the action needed to be taken by you to get past this.

Don’t be a statistic like my friend. I miss him every day. His family misses him. He took his life because of issues he couldn’t get over. He didn’t ask for help. He is no longer here. Please, please reach out for help.

My DM’s are always open on Twitter. My email is bubonicplague7@gmail.com. Reach out for help. I’m here for you.

A Letter to My Ex-Wife

Jill,

I know this letter is a long time in the making. I know that I haven’t explained fully what I decided to file for divorce against you. I know that there are many unanswered questions. I’m hoping to help answer some of those in this letter. This is a letter explaining it all.

It explains why I left.

It explains what I’ve learned.

It explains what I now believe.

It explains my new life and your place in it.

Let’s begin.

When I woke up almost 5 years ago, on a cold February night, and told you I wanted a divorce, it wasn’t because of you. True, you had your faults, I won’t go into them in this letter, but I will at least give you one token.

The man you married wasn’t the man I am now.

You were sold a bill of goods that wasn’t what you signed up for.

The man you thought you married was a man created by all the people in my life. It was a fictitious character, one invented by family, friends, and acquaintances, a robot designed to be a happiness machine.

It wasn’t me. I was a timid yes man. Someone who was trying to gain approval from everyone by doing everything they wanted and nothing for himself. I was playing a role that was designated by my family as something that I “had” to do. Something I was “supposed” to be.

That man you married who was all smiles the day I said “I do” was not real. He was all parts of all people who he had determined was the best of all worlds. He was trying to put himself into a mold that would never fit him, all because he was trying to act out on the stage of life, starring as the happily married, oafish husband who was a good man and did what everyone told him.

You see, men like me have lost their way. My generation, including my countless friends and acquaintances, were told by the generation before us that we had to play this role. We were told to be family men. We were told to get a job, buy a car, have kids, have a wife, and live the white picket fence dream that they did. However, they aren’t living that dream either. It’s a farce.

Many want the dream. Many don’t. I wanted something more. I wanted “me” back.

We can be all these things, but if it’s not on our terms, then it isn’t real. We let others decide our paths in life, we don’t stand up and say “STOP!” as soon as possible. We are just herded into the life that others want.

5 years ago, I decided to say “STOP!”

This wasn’t the life I wanted. It was the life they wanted. It was the life you, my ex-wife wanted.

I failed you. I didn’t keep my promises. And I know that deeply hurt you. And for that, I am eternally sorry.

But that man that you saw on your wedding day wasn’t the real Tim. The real Tim had to emerge through 3 years of therapy. The real Tim wanted his life back because this wasn’t what he signed up for. This is what he was TOLD he was supposed to do.

And, rather than possibly let down all the people in my life, I played the role.

I played it so well, I forgot who the hell I was. I needed a jolt to get me back to my senses. All of this life was a lie and unfortunately, you were a part of it.

I’m not taking the fall for the bad marriage. I’m taking the fall for the man I was when we got married because he wasn’t real. Just like you have told me that the person I married wasn’t the real you, the same thing applies to me.

I’m not taking the fall for the sexlessness in our marriage. I’m taking the fall for the man who didn’t know shit about what he was doing.

I’m not taking the fall for the listlessness of our kids and our unhappiness. I’m taking the fall for not discovering who I really was sooner and being a real, unapologetic version of Tim Beckett.

You’ll read this and debate in your head what truly could’ve been if we’d both been the real versions of ourselves, I know. But we can’t change the past, so we must change our presents and forge ahead to a good future, knowing now that we have finally accepted who we really are and the fantastic relationship that has emerged from accepting this reality.

Our kids are happier, we are happier, our families have finally accepted our decisions and they are happier for us, regardless of their personal feelings.

I couldn’t have asked for a better co-parent. Instead of taking feelings of bitterness, anger, and resentment out of me and our kids, you instead took the whole thing in stride, decided to be an adult, and worked with me on raising two beautiful daughters. You’re an amazing mother and I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world.

Photo credit: Verywell Family

I decided on that fateful February day to change my life because that life wasn’t mine. Nor was it yours. It was like a painting that everyone enjoyed except those that were in it. We were the picture of happiness but when life was applied to it, it was anything but happy.

So I broke us out. I did us a favor. Instead of a journey of unhappiness, depression, and the problems that would arise from it, I decided to take back control. In the short term, it promised some issues, but in the long term, as you have witnessed first-hand, it’s blossoming into an amazing situation.

Selfish? Probably. Thoughtless? Hardly. Three years of taking stock, thinking about the direction of my life, and the consequences of my actions boiled up inside me and blasted out on the cold, winter night. I know you didn’t understand it then.

I know you understand it now.

Many in our family were and now are supportive. Many aren’t. To those that aren’t, there’s a reason you aren’t apart of our lives anymore. You refused to accept the real me. You wanted me to be apart of your ideals. I refuse to live by anyone’s terms except my own.

And that’s where I am now, Jill. I’m living on my own. I’m living the life I want to live in. I’m creating great opportunities and decisions that I will own. They are mine.

You know now that instead of trying to lead a hapless family by default because I didn’t care, you now have a MAN, a LEADER, a DECISION MAKER, and a FATHER who loves his kids and will do anything for them.

You know now that you can count on me at any time to support you, whereas before you weren’t sure and doubted me all the time.

You know now my STRENGTH is unwavering. And you also know that I am taking good care of myself so that I will be there as a ROCK for as long as I can stand, walk, run, lift, and fight. My dying breath will be there as the foundation of this new family unit, not as the doting, do nothing complainer who never took action during our nuptials.

You know now that this Tim is the REAL, UNAPOLOGETIC Tim, one that makes the rules of his life, has boundaries, and does things not because of hopeful acceptance, but because he demands it of himself and chooses these paths for the betterment of himself and by association, his family.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. My cup is no longer empty. It contains ENERGY for years to help our family grow, sustain, and thrive.

So, enjoy the fruits of my acceptance of the real me. The real Tim will continue to provide and lead this family into the future. The past is in the past, my mistakes are mine and I own them. You may never own yours, but it doesn’t matter now. What matters is that we are both on the road that WE choose. Our paths now walk beside our kids in seeing them grow to be amazing, well-adjusted adults, all while making decisions based on what WE want in OUR lives.

The man you’ve met and who is proposing to you on your cruise is a good man. He’s an amazing father and Mike will be a great step-father to our kids. He’s become a great friend as well to me. I welcome him and his kids to our family with open arms. It takes all kinds to make a world, and we are a very special, very diverse family that I am proud to be associated with.

You are very special to me and you will always be a part of my life as the mother of my children. Know that I will be there to make sure they are LED by a masculine, strong, proud man who is honored to be their father.

I will always love you,

Tim

The LA Chronicles

The orange glow of the midday city sun cut through the thick smog. Carolyn was driving, listening to some tight Spanish tunes, I sat in the back with my thoughts, reflecting on what had been my first journey by myself anywhere ever.

And I could’ve gone anywhere. The Great Lakes, Florida, Texas. I could’ve done the Grand Canyon. I could’ve done Boston, the northeast. I could’ve gone to New York.

But here I was: Los Angeles

The wind blew in my hair, my sunburnt skin reacting to the cool breeze. I sat quietly, contemplating my life as it was right now, and where I was. What I was. I’d come so far.

My crossroads.

I’d done much since my divorce 3 years ago. I’d cultivated a now budding side hustle as a blogger, giving advice to men in my situation, including how to get back into the dating pool. I’m a successful business owner, leading a family run business for almost a decade through the trials and tribulations that befall or bless said business. I’d learned how to date again, practicing my newly found game over the past 18 months, and getting more successful by the day. I’d struggled with my child’s epilepsy diagnosis and all the uncertainty that came with it. All through, I morphed from another red pilled guru type spouting off diatribes against beta males, single moms, IG models, and hypergamy, to sharing my own journey with weight loss, fatherhood, dating and relationships.

And here I was, on my way to Laguna. The 5 wasn’t bad at all for midday, although LA is such a huge city that going anywhere by car means “road trip”.

This excursion was in part a midday getaway on my last day here, and also a lunch date that had cancelled. I kept on, determined now more than ever to live this last day in the City of Angels with the same flair I had lived my life since becoming unplugged and entering the world on my terms some 3 years ago.

Why was I here?

I had several amazing friends I wanted to see. I knew one from many endeavors, and I had wanted to visit for sometime. One friend in particular was eager to show me her city. She as well as the others lived out there, so it became a long weekend of fun in the sun and an experience I wouldn’t soon forget.

Los Angeles is such an indescribably beautiful city. Millions of different cultures wedged in between the Sierras on the east and the Pacific Ocean on the west. It’s built like a giant chaotic mess, with small chateaus, bungalows, and cool eclectic dives sharing the roads with million dollar homes. Gas stations look up to huge hills filled with massive homes, looking like fortresses watching the invaders they turned back.

Everything walks, rides, or bikes. All the stuff is within walking distance. Like little bubbles pooled together, each sector of the city breathes its own life, with neighbors seeing each other at Starbucks, the grocery store buzzing with activity, and the joggers out in force.

LA is a fit town. The people are beautiful. Everyone’s in shape. Everyone’s waiting for their big break. But they all love it here. It’s a rich, diverse, crazy home, but it’s theirs. The people are so warm, kind, generous, welcoming, and generally good natured that you can’t help but fall in love with all of it.

Rolling down highway 1, California’s iconic site, I was amazed. Beautiful palm trees, rolling hills, blue skies and beautiful blue water. My Lyft driver turned into the Ritz Carlton, dropped me off, and went on with her day. That’s what I noticed. Everyone is LA grinds and hustles, but they do it with a smile. It’s always sunny, so why not?

I walk around. Sun is blazing, the air off the ocean smells like the Earth’s breath, fresh from each tide push. The reflections off of the yellow and orange buildings makes the sun seem millions of miles closer. The brilliance is something to behold. As I walk, I can’t help but feel this city is speaking to me, a voice I haven’t heard before but now listen to intently.

I keep walking. I knew where I wanted to go. After watching my diet for the trip, I had a cheat day, and I wanted a giant sub. A small deli was situated just past the hotel, so I struck out to that very place. I wanted a sandwich.

You can tell a lot about a city by its food. Over the course of the past 5 days, I had a chance to sample the best food from the most unassuming places. Little hole in the wall restaurants are always where I go, because they have the best food, as well as the pulse of a city and its identity. The people that work there truly love it, and it’s why I try to find just those places.

And I couldn’t have been more happy with any of it. The staff looked like 20 somethings waiting for their big break, but in the meantime proud to work for a sandwich shop that takes care of its customers. Great, earthy people who have taken on the identity of their city, all while cultivating their own life from the mountains and beaches they inhabit.

I sat and dined, enjoying people watching as I ate. I wanted to read, but kept looking up from my book to just watch the world of Southern California walk by. You can’t help but be fascinated by the folks that meander to their destinations. Tan skinned beauties, surfer dudes, boomers with fedoras, and housewives grabbing a beer.

So as I finished, I went for another excursion. As I walked, I thought about all that I’d experienced. Meeting new friends who exposed me to a whole new world. I painted for the first time since I was a child. My picture, as California as everything else I saw, was painted with a new energy flowing through me given to me by this land. I just can’t describe it any other way. The brush took on a life of own, and showed me, just like everything else here, just what I was capable of when I stop and let life take the wheel.

I called for my Lyft, because no self respecting SoCal visitor rides Uber. As I got in, I looked around one last time at this alluring landscape. When all you see as an Indiana boy is nothing but flat, green fields, this landscape can seem alien at first, but does it ever impress as you view it totally.

The driver and I chatted on our way back about LA life, pick up and game, the pros and cons of online dating, and how well the Clippers would be this year. He was truly a Southern California star, open, warm, and engaging. For almost two hours, we spoke like brothers, even though we were separated by 2000 miles for most of our lives. It’s like good friends who haven’t seen each other for years picking right back up where they left off.

As he let me off at my hotel, I thought about my trip. The great friend I had made who showed me around this great city. She truly made me feel at home in a amalgamation of 20 million souls, all bound together by a sense of belonging, regardless of race, creed, or color. She made it seem so small and welcoming. She was proud of her city. She lived it everyday and showed it to me. Her friends were mine, with every laugh filling the air with joy of a perspective I didn’t know, but was glad to be a part of.

I came to LA not knowing a thing about it, but I left with a new found enchantment of a truly unique city. I was able to find a distinctive voice that opened up a whole new part of myself I didn’t realize was there. This city changed me for the better, and for that I am truly blessed.

I also made a lifelong friend, who made my LA experience truly magical. I’m forever grateful for her friendship. You shared your city with me, you showed me compassion when I was alone, and you took me to places that I would never had known existed. I can’t thank you enough for your hospitality. It meant the world to me.

So goodbye LaLaLand. I’m glad you opened your doors to me and added yet another layer of experience to my already growing travel life. You embraced me and made me a believer. I’ll most certainly be back.

I’m an honorary Los Angeleno. And like the great Billy Joel, the song “Los Angelenos” lyrics tell the story that I just lived in my “funky exile” that I wouldn’t ever give back.

“Los Angelenos
All come from somewhere
To live in sunshine
Their funky exile
Midwestern ladies
High-heeled and faded
Drivin’ sleek new sports cars
With their New York cowboys

Hiding up in the mountains
Laying low in the canyons
Goin’ nowhere on the streets
With the Spanish names
Makin’ love with the natives
In their Hollywood places
Making up for all the time gone by

Los Angelenos
All come from somewhere
Cuz it’s all so easy
To become acquainted
Electric babies
Blue-jeaned and jaded
Such hot sweet schoolgirls
So educated

Tanning out in the beaches
With their Mexican reefers
No one ever has to feel
Like a refugee
Going into garages
For exotic massages
Making up for all the time gone by
Hiding up in the mountains
Laying low in the canyons
Goin’ nowhere on the streets
With the Spanish names
Makin’ love with the natives
In their Hollywood places
Making up for all the time gone by

Los Angelenos
All come from somewhere
It’s so familiar
Their foreign faces.”

Thank you, City of Angels.

The Enemy Within

In a tragic story this week, 17 year-old Instagram e-girl Bianca Devins was brutally murdered by a crazed fan in Upstate New York. 21 year old Brandon Andrew Clark was charged with second degree murder of Ms. Devins, but the circumstances of this particular story shed some light on a topic that needs to be of serious concern, the White Knight and Beta Orbiter.

The accused was one of many men who “orbited” Ms. Devins by way of her IG account. A “beta orbiter” in this case, are men who have an unhealthy attraction to a woman. They do not register sexually to that woman, and some examples of their many traits are either they are unattractive, socially awkward, or both.

So they “orbit”, praising her with compliments, doing things to try to get her attention, all while hoping she will choose them, over tens, hundreds, thousands, or millions of other men, because only they truly “love” her.

What this post is going to focus on is the intrinsic link between beta orbiters, incels, and white knights. Incidents like the one we’ve just witnessed won’t be the last, unless we do something about the growing number of men who are sexually frustrated by being the beta orbiter / white knight / incel. If we don’t address these issues, all we’re waiting on is the powder keg to be lit.

I Dub Thee “Captain Save-A-Hoe”

So what is this White Knight Syndrome?

To put it as succinctly as I can, a “White Knight”, especially online, tries to take a woman’s side of an argument or viewpoint, and make it his own.

But, he is not doing it because he agrees with her.

He is doing it because he thinks that by taking her side, being nice and supportive, and coming to her rescue, she will be intimate with him.

Captain Save A Hoe, you’ve been dubbed.

White knights have a knack for trying to rescue damsels in distress, regardless of how messed up it may potentially make their own lives. But what drives these men to make such disastrous decisions, completely negating their own self interest?

One word: Sex.

Men in feminist or women dominated spheres are told to suppress their sexual urges, because men should be able to control themselves. They WOULD, but they certainly haven’t been taught how to. Most rely on porn, e-girls, and other on-line tools to try and manage their thirst. But was we know, porn is terrible for a man, and it only increases his sexual frustrations. So instead of encouraging men to act healthy with their sexuality, they’re shamed and made to feel broken, which is far from the truth.

So instead of expressing their sexuality in a healthy manner, they are forced to try to use covert methods in order to gain female approval and maybe, sex, but rescuing or fighting for a woman whom they have an attraction for.

Or, they “orbit” that particular female, showering her with compliments, hoping to make himself stand out to her, only to be one of thousands of thirsty betas hoping that one comment to her, just one, will bring her to them and fulfill their wildest dreams.

But, these men are so sexually frustrated, so misled on how to handle and control their thirst, that when their well thought out master plan fails and he sees her with another guy, they enrage, and some commit violent acts like the ones we saw in Utica, NY. These men are sick and need help, but we need to acknowledge this problem first.

Want to stop the problem? Help the guys before they become like this.

Similarities in Incel, White Knight, and Beta Orbiter Behavior

Incels, white knights, and beta orbiters have some similarities, and it’s not surprising that as soon as some beta orbiters take the red pill, they turn very dark very quickly, especially if their crush continues to deny them what they feel they deserve, sex.

All three feel they deserve sex from a woman for their actions to “save” them, defend them, or be nice to them. All three are trying to put their perceived uniqueness to attract their crushes, but find out very quickly that they aren’t unique, so they attempt to completely change themselves to fit her perfect man mold, completely losing themselves in the process. It’s about getting with her, and only getting with her.

But what happens when these men dedicate their entire lives to worshiping this woman, whom they don’t even know, and she decides she’s found a boyfriend? Seething contempt, regret for wasting his time, and anger at her for not choosing him.

Incels take this to even more dangerous levels by encouraging violence against women.

But there’s a trend where incels are directly breeding from beta orbiter camps, especially with resentment, self loathing, and blame. And you’re going to see more if the trend continues.

While incels are “involuntarily celibate”, orbiters and knights are voluntarily celibate, often holding off on sex with any women, unless she’s the one he’s pedastalizing. This results in more time watching porn, his crush on an IG channel or live stream, or breaking their celibacy for shallow sexual encounters that bring him no closer to securing that girl of his dreams. White knights will do everything in their power to show that girl that they are here to help, going so far as to abandon everything the believe for a chance to show her who they are, and save her from the mob.

All of these have the same common denominator, and innate weakness in men. They don’t have the tools to handle this weakness, and they are further shamed when they do admit they do have it. Even acknowledging that they need sex is met with skepticism and ridicule, so it’s no wonder men like these are having the issues they’re having.

Weak Ass Men

Weakness is the bottom line here. We aren’t teaching or empowering men to make a positive change in their lives, we’re encouraging them to continue to use crutches when they can clearly walk with their own two feet.

When it comes to men’s own sexuality, acceptance of who they are, what biology has given them, and removing the stigmas of “toxic” natures of this sexual appetite would go a long way to men getting out of this pattern.

But it has to start with the man, his environment, and his tendencies, and most importantly, his own actions.

Regardless of what society is doing to empower or disenfranchise men, it still boils down to PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.

Blaming societal norms for the problematic societal behaviors showcased in this post doesn’t let you off the hook. Nothing does.

Men still willingly participate in behaviors detrimental to their own goals and purposes.

So we as men, need to teach these lost souls how to be better than their thirst, more than their sexuality. Most men are boiled down to what’s in their pants, and don’t know that they can become much more than that with help from institutions, organizations, and peers that emphasize positive masculinity and acceptance.

But society needs to stop pushing the false narrative that “all men are potential rapists” and scapegoating men for their biological urges. This demonizes them for simply being men. Toxic masculinity to feminists is ALL things masculine. Women use misrepresented statistics to induce fear among their colleagues, simply stating that any man will rape you at any time. Like an ISIS cell, men are just waiting to be activated to terrorize and brutalize women.

But instead of just focusing on making men better by embracing their traits, feminism requires masculinity to change for the good of the women men love.

Bull spit.

Men are men. Deal with it. Until we can come to grips with the fact that you can’t change anything about biology and address the REAL inherent problems that affect men (and women) everyday (single parent homes, the collapse of the family structure, sexual and physical abuse, etc), you won’t make the problem go away by labeling a group.

And everyone hates generalizations, don’t they?

Men in Parenting

Photo Credit: Indian Express

This is the final part of my “Men In” Series

So here it is. I have to address the elephant in the room. As my writings have all suggested, I am the Red Pill “Dad”, so what in the world am I doing to raise my kids in a Red Pill manner?

I’ve been a single dad now for almost 3 years. One thing that I have learned is that kids need their dads, now more then ever. The statistics don’t lie. Fathers are needed to make every aspect of their child’s life better, and this doesn’t just make them better children, it makes them better adults.

When men and women started to bolt from their responsibilities of having safe sex, especially with the advent of birth control, we’ve seen single parent households skyrocket. These households have produced troubled kids, with mothers and fathers having unprotected sex, getting pregnant, and hating each other, it was up to one or the other to take care of the kids (in many cases, it was the mother).

So enter the State as the third party, helping to “right the wrongs” of dastardly men who dare pump and dump, leaving the woman, as if there was only one side to blame. Men have been demonized because they did this, and natural inclinations of women are to blame the men for not supporting them and their kids, but it does take two to tango.

So women now use the state as their surrogate father, while men procreate with potential criminal recourse. But where’s the responsibility for the women? With the Feminine Imperative driving family law and the court system, there is only criminal charges for the man, and cash and prizes for the woman, but they both were involved in creating the child.

The Feminine Imperative and other outlets seem to be encouraging the single mother. With 10 million single mother households and rising here in the US, nothing is being done to encourage two parent households. It’s everyone doubling down in a game that no one wins.

Obviously, I’m not impartial, as being on the male end of family law has only made me question the whole process more, however, I feel like a lot has been lost in western countries on how to get the family unit back together. I do believe that feminism has in part helped to destroy this mindset, with the State playing willing accomplice. So what can be done?

Be A Dad

Women shame men constantly to “man up” and “provide for their kids.” This is a shit test. I don’t agree that guilt and shame from the Feminine Imperative should be the motivating factor for men to act. A man should want to take care of his kids and be a good father.

I can tell you through personal experience that my existence has been greatly enhanced by having kids. I’m there for them, I support them in all their endeavors, I want them to succeed. Too many dads are mailing it in, and have become the matriarchs of their family, they’ve become lazy. They’ve put down their mantle, working jobs they hate, saying two words to their kids as they head to see the baseball scores and have a beer.

Fatherhood is more than just providing for your kids. If it were that easy, we wouldn’t have the issues we have in Western society. Not only do I support my children financially, I go to my child’s events, I help them with homework, I attend school functions, I am part of my child’s parent teacher organization. I interact with them every day I have them, I’m present. This takes more for me because I also run my own company, sometimes up to 60-70 hours a week. But I still take time for my kids. This isn’t being some kind of superhero, this is required stuff for fathers.

Kids crave a strong male presence in their lives, it gives them perspective that they wouldn’t get from just their mother. It gives them predominately male values that help them succeed. It gives them discipline, strength, loyalty, respect, ambition, drive, and fight. Now, it doesn’t help that these values are being demonized as “toxic masculinity”, and I fight the FI everyday to prove that these are not only needed, but required for kids to have.

Imagine a child without access to these strong, masculine values, and you get to the crux on why western kids are so messed up.

Raising Red Pill Aware Kids

So, how will I proceed in this fem-centric society, especially raising young girls? First, understanding feminine nature is paramount to raising young girls. You are only going to have so much control in what choices your kids will make, and I can only show them the type of man they may want to marry. Strong, masculine father figures help women, when they’ve grown, know exactly what they want. But you can only do so much.

I know that I cannot control hypergamous natures of women. I will be powerless to control my kids eventual choices, I can show them how to navigate this world:

-Avoiding blue pilled betas with no inner sense of purpose

-Not sleeping around with dozens of Chads and getting the thousand cock stare

-Embracing their femininity as well as beauty, poise, and confidence, and other quality feminine traits

-Providing support for any strong man she eventually chooses to have a relationship with

-Not discouraging putting off having kids for a career, but also not discouraging them from doing what they want to do

-Understanding that gender roles don’t change, no matter how many feminazis tell them different

They will be told of the consequences of choosing career over children, and they will reap what they sow. And yes, betas, I don’t want them near you. You need to unplug, get your life together, and be a strong masculine presence for my approval. I’m not letting you off the hook at all. Betas seem to think that women should like them for who they are, regardless of their lack of any concrete purpose or character. Chances are, you will be relegated to being orbiters, and you’ll not be given any quarter.

There will probably be Chads. I have to prepare myself for this eventuality. All females have the same inherent firmware, and this is reality. But I will also provide them with a knowledge of these scenarios, and how they can take responsibility for their own actions if they decide to act on their hypergamous impulses. The “Sex and The City” mentality still exists, and I can’t help but feel sorry for all the women that were led to believe this was a fulfilling life.

I want them to compliment a man, not need one, or vice versa. I want for them what I want from a female in my dating life. I believe in specific gender roles, and straying too far from those ends in confusion, uncertainty, and more times than not, disaster.

Embrace the Unknown

I can’t tell you what will happen. I can only do my best to provide my kids good example of a strong male influence. Parenting is a crap shoot at times, but I play the numbers, and the numbers say that a strong father figure provides nothing but good things for children.

So dads, spend quality time with your kids, be in their lives. They will appreciate all that you give to them, their love makes your life better and more fulfilling, and you can truly be proud of a life worth living when the lessons you’ve preached to your kids are taken up.

It’s time to start being a good father to your kids.