Watching the Nuke

Photo Credit: wallpaperflare.com

Sometimes, it just fails. And that’s okay.

But fuck, it sucks watching it happen.

Many strong relationships that have stood the test of time in many cases, are starting to fray.

I’ve watched good friends get cheated on by their wives. I’ve watched good friends cheat on their wives. I’ve watched relationships that I was convinced would never fall apart collapse quicker than an old building.

This pandemic didn’t cause the relationships to fail, all it did was hasten the destruction already inflicted. And many people are choosing to destroy their relationships.

Yes, even my parents. 45 years of marriage, starting to buckle because of old age, health problems, and anxiety about the future and what it holds.

It’s taken it’s toll and I’ve had to watch it first hand.

Disheartening? Yes. Disappointing? Of course. But I won’t say it’s unexpected, nor will I say that I don’t know the eventual result.

It hurts more because I know the WHYS and HOWS of these happenings.

When you become red-pilled, you see shit you don’t want to see. You understand the truth of life and you have to grapple with the consequences of the knowledge you have. You have to understand that everyday, a nuke drops somewhere, and you can’t do anything to stop it. You watch it, make a note of how it happened, and try like hell to make sure it doesn’t happen to you or anyone you love.

Knowing versus Not Knowing

When I was married, I was naive to many of the issues I know now. And that’s problematic because the problems I was told were the issue versus the ones that really ARE the issue is a dangerous place to be.

Ignorance is bliss, it seems, until the knowledge hits you like a boxer in the first round.

So, as with my own marriage and the problems I didn’t see until it was too late, I had to learn the hard way. I had to go through intensive therapy in order to understand the issues in my marriage, so understand that most people who are married don’t have the intellectual cajones to even fathom the basics of why they are having issues in their marriages.

Married life, for me and millions of people, is walking with a blindfold on hoping you don’t hit something. People HOPE their love is enough and it will transcend all other problems. But when the problems become too big or if many hit at once, we see a once-proud institution buckle mightily because the marriage is only as strong as the people in it. And many people are showing weaknesses even before the vows are uttered.

So, in my experience, I was ignorant in the ways of what I needed to do and look for in my marriage and in my life in general. I was under the impression, especially with other relationships I observed around me, that being present was the only requirement for marriage. It wasn’t work, it was “OK, I found my significant other, time to put down the hammer and get fat and complacent. She loves me for me, so it’s no problem.”

And I acted like it. I did what I was supposed to do, not what I should have been doing. I did the bare minimum to make the marriage work, and low and behold, it failed in less than a decade.

And all because I didn’t bother to learn how it worked, I was just glad I found someone. And my ex was glad her biological clock was arrested and she had two kids. At that point, I was terrible with women and she was the first to say yes, and she had been in unfulfilling relationships with men who didn’t want to commit. So we weren’t a strong marriage, we were a means to an end.

And, as I got more educated through what I went through with my own divorce, it’s natural for me to see similar issues with other people’s relationships, especially those closest to me.

The wreck of my marriage, for all the bad things it brought, gave me the knowledge and foresight to be able to have a healthier relationship in the future, and that started with myself and becoming better.

That knowledge, whether I wanted it or not, is on full display with all the relationships I see with the people that are closest to me. I try to impart some of what I learned to the people who need it most.

But here’s the major issue with that….they either can’t or refuse to hear it.

And so, I become preachy and obnoxious to them because I try to tell them to avoid the mistakes I made. I become annoyed when I see things they are doing (or more often times NOT doing) and I have to say something, only to be pushed away and shown the door. My warnings don’t mean much when they won’t heed them. They see my life, not as a success story where I am finally happy and a well-rounded individual who’s taking responsibility for his life, but as a stain of single masculinity. “At least I’m not single” becomes the battle cry of people who lack the intestinal fortitude to make their lives better, citing fate and luck as the main catalysts of their marriage.

After trying to help and getting rebuffed, it’s time to watch the nuke.

Powerlessness Coupled with Understanding

Look, my experiences aren’t the way to go, I understand that. My advice is just that, advice. I’m not going to pretend I’m a relationship expert. And, quite frankly, some relationships are destined to fail. Hell, some relationships need to fail.

But it still doesn’t make watching them falter any more pleasant. I’ve had several friends whose marriages have failed this year alone who I’ve had to console or talk to in order to tell them that regardless of what I did say or do in order to warn them, I just couldn’t get through to them until the rubble settled.

Sometimes, the best advice you can give someone is no advice at all. Letting them fail, while difficult, is the best way for them to understand and learn from the mistakes they made.

It still sucks to watch it all go down. It still blows to have to witness the nuke, people you love and respect, watching their world crumble.

But, as I watch, there’s something I understand.

There’s only so much you can do as a person outside of the blast radius.

You can’t put yourself in their situation and steer away from the bridge.

Sometimes, they have to drive off the cliff in order to see what mistakes they made.

It’s why watching friends and family struggle in their hollow marriages is so difficult, but also a necessity. They need to understand that there may be a way to save their marriages, but it would involve behavioral adjustments and epiphanies they just won’t understand, let alone do.

THEY have to make the decision, they have to do the work, they have to see the issues. And more times than not, they don’t.

Look, I don’t want my parents to split up. I don’t want my friends to have this heartache of a cheating spouse. Their worlds are crumbling and the best I can do is to support them going through these difficult life experiences.

Because the bottom line is that is all I can do for them. Be there to listen, support, and try to help where I can.

This is a time they need a strong friend, son, brother, etc to help them make sense of what’s going on in their lives. You may very well know what’s happening with them because of your own experiences and telling them “I told you so” doesn’t do anything but piss them off and shit on their circumstances.

They need someone who can understand what they’re going through and point them in the right direction after the damage has been done.

Sometimes you just can’t save it. It sucks, but that’s how it is.

The nuke’s going to go off. You have to be there to help rebuild.

Men In Purpose

Source: Australia National Parks

This Is Part 5 of my “Men In” Series

I’m up and at it this afternoon after an incredible conversation I had with my best friend of about 35 years last night.

We tend to have very thought provoking discussions as we drink craft beer and smoke cigars, while I hit on the servers and he texts his wife.

Last night, however, got my brain all fired up, as a question came up that I was able to answer, but just a few years ago I couldn’t.

The question was posed in the middle of a discussion we were having about men‘s rights and it came out very abruptly.

“If you had all the money you would need, or want, and all the sudden you didn’t work anymore, what would you do? What would be your purpose?”

I’ve recently discovered several purposes for myself, so the question was easy. I want to help men unplug, I also want to broaden my horizons on the red pill. I want to get into better shape, I want to be a great father. I want to learn to be better at game, and I want to forge a new career path of my own choosing, instead of being chained to my current business for the rest of my life.

But when we got to my friend, he was quiet. He couldn’t think of anything that would fulfill his purpose. He has been working all his life to provide for his wife and kids, that if one day it was okay not to go in, they have enough money, he didn’t have an answer to what he would do with his life.

So, my readers, ask yourself the question, “What is your purpose?”

The Blue Pill Purpose

Men are corrupted by so many things in this world from birth to death. They are told what to do by many entities, and what drives them, especially in the early years, are their parents. If they’re lucky enough to have a two parent household, Dad will pass down his typical “you are your job” line and that hard work to provide is what he had done. Mom will pass down her lines of “provider” status for any man. He has to provide for his family.

If he’s in a single parent household, especially with a single mom, he’s then assigned to be the impromptu patriarch, (or worse, the mother tries to assume this role) which is a task he doesn’t need to do, nor deserve. So he’s chastened to do what he can, and more often than not this is met with disdain. And without a proper father figure, he’s left to find other figures to emulate, most of which were members of a single mother family themselves. The process continues unabated.

As they get older, females drive to press men into servitude toward their ends continues to ramp up. Men will sacrifice anything to sleep with their oneitis, and their purpose, hopes, and dreams will go to the trash heap just for a piece of ass. They then follow their love to the ends of the earth, after which she sleeps with the first Chad she meets.

So now, their career awaits. If they were like me, they chose a career that was semi-interesting, but more importantly, would be one that pays the bills. So they strive for middle management in a corporate environment, all while marrying their college sweetheart or the girl they met on Bumble, and as they have kids, the wife stays home while the man busts his ass to bring home the bacon. The wife has an insatiable appetite for a new home, or new carpet, or paint, or she wants to go back to school because her first go round she didn’t do what she REALLY wanted. And then, because he’s killing himself to pay for all of the shit she’s bought, she cheats on him because he’s “not there for her or doesn’t understand her feelings.”

So here he is, stuck in a life that was not of his own choosing. And all he does is serve the imperative. Sure, he may watch sports, porn, hang with his other blue pill buddies, catch some concerts, mow his grass, landscape his home with the inflated mortgage, get fat, lament about his lot in life, but what truly does he do for HIMSELF?

It’s depressing as hell, but unfortunately, it’s where a majority of men find themselves.

Grasping At Straws

So what do they do? Much of the time, men are tricked into thinking serving institutions will give them purpose, but these institutions only serve themselves and the feminine imperative. So blue pilled men think they’ve escaped, but instead, are right back to serving something that has no interest in their well being.

Many men will go the religious route, which is far from self serving. Religion has become corrupted and the church continues to devolve into yet another feminization tool to control men. The church, at one time long ago, had men’s best interest at heart, but now, it’s another push for men to do their duty, which is serving female’s best interest. It’s more now about how to be a good husband, how to serve your wife and family, and how NOT to rock the boat. “We certainly don’t want men thinking for themselves, now do we?”

So men will cling to different worlds, hoping to find something that will give them a sense of life, a sense of purpose. And they fail. Because they can’t see the forest from the trees. They cannot truly have their own purpose unless it serves a need from the Imperative. So they continue to be led astray.

The minute they decide to go off this path that the Imperative wants them on, they are mocked, derided, ridiculed, and shamed back into it.

Women never have men’s best interests at heart. It’s not in their nature.

It’s truly when he decides to unplug that the world becomes as he should have been seeing it.

True Sight

So now, he’s unplugged.

It’s a rush of emotions. But now, he can truly fixate on his own life, his own purpose. It’s a clearing that many men have trouble overcoming, because, as in my case, I felt as if I wasted 3 decades of my life. There is despair, depression, and regret about the past, and many men won’t realize this is the only way to gain true clarity in their life, and they miss the boat for a few years.

The one thing that the red pill has afforded me is that clarity. I can now truly focus on what I want to do. Soul searching has been plentiful, but without the noise of a blue pill existence, it’s quiet, and it allows you to focus and explore who you really want to be.

There are, as in my friend’s case especially, exceptions. He and his wife have mutual goals, in a relationship built on complimentary relations, they work together. But she understands she must support him. His success is her success, and she and his ends line up. What’s very heartening about his situation is that, he’s free to explore his purpose, and his wife supports his quest wholeheartedly. It’s rare and needs to be commended.

A woman who puts her man’s purpose as her own, is a woman that truly loves and respects her man.

Quest For Yourself

So now what?

If you’re like me, you’re working towards your purpose. You have now dedicated your life to the drive toward this piece that defines your existence on this planet.

You will have to search for your purpose. You will have to dig deep, meditate, breathe, and look deep inside yourself.

You have something to give to this world, you just have to find it.

So, begin your quest, lads. It’s the most important mission you’ll ever undertake.

Find your purpose. Begin your journey.

Men In Debt

This is Part 4 of my “Men In” Series

Today, as I type this, I stand at over $33,000 in debt.

How the hell did I get that way? Well, it’s one thing, mainly. My divorce.

One of the biggest reasons I’ve been against marriage is because of the financial disasters that befall men when they get divorced. Men are adversely affected because they tend to make more than women, and women, while wanting to be independent, want it both ways and become more dependent on the broken family law system to get them “what they deserve”, or “what they’ve become accustomed to”.

So I sit here today, trying to navigate a debt that was created simply because I was unhappy with my wife and I left her. So what the hell happened?

Folks, it’s no surprise that men have 3 times as much debt as women. Men bear the responsibility of having to be the breadwinner a lot of the time, and they take the lion’s share of the risk to their own credit. And women tend to come into the relationship with debts of their own, with an all too excited Beta ready to help her pay off her debts in exchange for sex. Now I know I’m generalizing, but the “Captain Save a Ho” mentality is alive and well when a Beta finally gets married to his oneitis.

When I first met my ex-wife, I had only a bit of credit card debt and a car payment. She came into the relationship with a fresh bankruptcy, student loan debt, and a car payment. We managed to pay off all her debt and my car, with much of the heavy lifting coming from me. Then the divorce hit.

As an owner of my own company, my ex was determined to get her share of it. Her rationale was that by being a stay at home mom watching the kids, she was entitled to a generous sum of my share of my family’s company. She had “helped me build it”. Family law is a harsh mistress when it comes to deciding who has to pay what, and while the man usually bears the brunt of this, I was lucky in that we were debt free and didn’t own any credit cards.

So, we had a large house to sell, but there existed a double-edged sword. My name was the only one on the house, so while she couldn’t claim it, I was solely responsible for the sale of it. With her past credit problems, she couldn’t get approved with me, so I bought the house myself. I had to take out a loan to upgrade the house to get it to sell because I decided I didn’t need a large house, and the monthly payments made it too tight at the end of the month. On top of that, I had to negotiate a settlement with my ex for my share of the company.

Add to that attorney’s fees and the regular weekly child support, and I was in debt over $50,000. All because I wanted a divorce.

Now, I subscribe to the idea that debt is slavery, and there are many who will disagree with my approach. But I believe that credit is a bad thing, and too many men get into trouble with money, even when they’re making a lot of it. Now there are some good things to talk about here. I haven’t had a credit card in over a decade. I haven’t had a car payment is 7 years. So there are some freedoms I can claim, however, it’s small consolation when you’re facing 5 digit debt, and six if you owe on your house.

Debt Is Slavery

Where ever you look today, debt is everywhere. Men can’t escape it and need some help. My own path may be of some help, for as I am currently in debt, I’ve managed to pay off over $17,000 in a little over a year. So how?

I write a lot about men needing to be in control of their lives, whether it be fitness, dating, raising children, or a career. Finances are just another thing men need to control because they can get out of hand very quickly, and if you’re undisciplined, just like in other aspects of your life, you’ll quickly find yourself in a very deep hole with a very small shovel.

So when you take control of your life, know that the number one thing that can help you get out of debt is your paycheck. But you have to keep track. Having a budget is a fantastic way that you can get control of your finances. When you know what you are spending, and how you are spending it, you have a better idea of where your money is going, and what you could be saving for. I look at my budget daily and have my month’s money spent already. Knowing what is coming up, as well as bigger expenditures that happen to be around, is so important for a man to maintain his control. I would also recommend Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover, where he explains the 7 baby steps of financial freedom. While I follow Dave Ramsey’s philosophy a bit, I don’t subscribe to his religious undertones as much as other guys would, but it’s still worth your time to get that book.

Back on Track

As a man, you have several ways you can build your empire. One of the main ways is to afford a career you’ll love, that will make you a ton of money. I do work a job as a company owner, but also am branching out to do what I love, helping men. Getting your income up is the fastest way to destroy debt, and doing so also gives you the financial freedom to do the things you really want to do.

So what would I recommend? Cut up your credit cards and pay them off. Save a bit for an emergency. Get your debt down quickly. Start saving for retirement and kids college. Do it within the context of your current job, and also try to make money doing what you love, on the side at first.

One of the many benefits of taking control of your finances is the fact that not only do family and friends respect a man who has his financial house together, but you become more attractive to the opposite sex as well. But beware! Now that you’re in control, you can be much more selective when it comes to a woman you want to be with. Women can complicate your life in more ways than one, and getting one who doesn’t have her financial house in order is a recipe for disaster. When you build it with your own blood and sweat, you need to be more mindful of letting just anyone come in to your castle.

Empower Your Wallet

You can affect your own income by the very life selections you make. As a powerful man, you alone dictate what you will spend your money on, and how much of it you’ll earn. You can determine how to live your life, as a slave to a debtor, or as a bank giving out the loans. It’s all about choices. And just like getting into shape, it’s hard work. It’s long hours at a job you may not like while working towards what you want, it’s making choices for the long term instead of doing what feels good at the moment, it’s passing on that blonde 7 or 8 because she owes 15k in credit card debt and can’t stop spending other people’s money. In this case, short term sacrifice leads to long term flexibility, and makes you the boss in your own financial life.

Choose no debt, and you’ll have one less hindrance between you and a successful, fulfilling, masculine life.

Men In Love

Credit:  WebMD

This is Part 2 of my “Men In” series:

There she is.  That girl you can’t get out of your head.  Great body, long blond hair, great smile, blue eyes, nice tits, sweet personality, everything you ever wanted.  She’s all you can think about.  You haven’t asked her out yet, but you see her every day at work, or every week at the gym, or this month at your friend’s get together.  She’s perfection to you.  She can do no wrong.  

She’s the girl of your dreams. 

Congrats, you have what we in the Manosphere call “oneitis“, or an obsession with one particular girl, or what some in the beta male would would classify as love.  It’s portrayed as a man’s reason for living, and most plugged in men continue to pursue this fantasy, sometimes even succeeding, then getting buyer’s remorse for not knowing the complexities of women

As we are approaching the reprehensible holiday of Valentine’s Day, a holiday invented in the second century AD by the Christians to skirt Emperor Claudius Gothicus’s marriage decree, and now hijacked by corporations, the Church, the feminine imperative, and Hollywood to make men feel bad for not giving gifts, spending time, or spending money on their significant others, we continue see love being perverted for different gains.  It’s been weaponized against men, through this wretched holiday, as well as through the lens of what the feminine imperative could squeeze from it.

It’s time to talk about men in love. 

Why Do You Hate Love?

“Love”, for lack of a better term, is used far too often for too many situations these days.   Love is supposed to be a catch all for strong emotions about something or somebody. 

The general response to the above diatribe from women to me would be, “Anyone who hates Valentine’s Day or love hasn’t really ever been in love, or they have experienced a bad heartbreak.”
While I have indeed experienced bad heartbreak (as have many men), I loathe that anyone who says I don’t like the word “love” is implying that I’m harboring an internal grudge against it because of past incidents with girls who rejected or broke up with me.  People are dying to connect these dots, because it supposedly invalidates my argument. 

From personal experience, in my early days as an AFC beta, I celebrated Valentine’s Day.  I thought I had to shower a girl with trinkets, gifts, and attention to validate my love for her.  I quickly learned that this was a fruitless endeavor.  I grew a bit wiser, and throughout my later relationships and up to my marriage, I seldom celebrated Valentine’s Day, and “love” was implied in my relationships. When I was married, my wife, at first, didn’t need proof of my feelings for her, but when the time came that she did need this proof (and the check almost always comes due at some point), I was already out the door.  The way that I saw it was, if I had to prove my love to this woman, it ceased to be love, and was now a business transaction.

Men can only feel “love”, or what they think is “love”, because as a goal, logic, and task oriented species, men focus on a goal and look for a solution.  That answer when dating is finding “true love”, or the ultimate solutions to a man’s “problem” of being single.  

This is what a fem-centric society wants.  Love, as with most things these days, has been hijacked by the feminine imperative not as a raw emotion, but as yet another filter to use for their hypergamic natures.  When a man gets oneitis, more often that not, he might as well be holding a giant, imaginary sign that states, “Average Frustrated Chump.”  Women avoid this like the plague, and when they see it, depending on the phase they’re in, not even Beta Bucks will help you. 

Countless romantic movies show men falling for a woman, being the “nice guy”, and getting his oneitis.  That’s how it’s supposed to be.  That’s how a fem-centric society wants to weed out the weak betas.

I don’t hate love, I hate what it’s being used for.

 

The Problem Of Love

For decades now, the manosphere has been accused of being misogynist, as well as decrying the values of love.  I think I speak for most of the mainstream manosphere when I say, I “love” women.  What do I mean?

Well, when I say love in the dating / relationship world, I should be saying:
-I enjoy the female form
-I enjoy the female company
-I enjoy sex with an attractive female, all the emotions and feelings I get from experiencing pleasure with the opposite sex
-I respect and appreciate everything a female has to offer
-I have an incredible admiration for all the amazing things females can do that men can’t

So, if you must call these things love, then I guess I can be called guilty for “loving” women.

The main problem with love is that it’s an emotion you can’t have without consequences. 

Love precipitates in many forms, including good and bad, but all very legitimate.  It’s one of the rawest emotions.  It’s brutality and bliss.  It’s decadence and danger.  It’s volatility incarnate.  It’s chaos.  This is why it can be used very effectively by women, because as creatures of chaos, it’s in their very large wheelhouse.

No matter how the chips fall in the dating world,  saying that word invokes strong emotions from females.  It’s a game changer, and as many a man has found out (including yours truly), saying that word too quickly in a relationship spells the end of said relationship.  You can’t say it until she does, and even then the feeling may not be mutual.  She’s always got something else on her mind, and it’s probably not you.  Unless you have an understanding about the general nature of women, as well as their feelings on love, you don’t have the knowledge of the dynamics involved.  The red pill alleviates many of these pitfalls.

The Responsibility of Love

Love is not harmless.  It’s not a fleeting emotion.  It’s a big deal, and it can get men into a lot of trouble.  When men love, there are many caveats attached to this love, including financial, emotional, and physical support of their woman.  This is how society expects men to show their love.  Women certainly don’t need this love, as they are capable of supporting themselves, but throughout early to dawn of the 20th century history, the man has been the bedrock of a relationship, creating the “bubble” which the woman had operated in. 

Then, with the advent of the Sexual Revolution of the 1960’s, women awoke to a new day where they controlled the dynamic, and they have not wrested control of it.  They were the bubble, they made the decisions, they played the part.  The sexual strategies being employed to this day developed in the past 50 years, and continue to evolve.

This is how society has been built.  Love no longer represents a harmless feeling, it’s very real, and if men aren’t prepared, can be damaging beyond belief.  It also represents a huge financial windfall for anyone wanting to make money off of it’s effects, from businesses marketing products, to family law, to state and federal governments, to churches, love’s for sale.  And if you choose not to play the game of love?  You’re a misogynist who’s been wronged far too many times by women.  Shame, guilt, and ridicule await you.

I don’t condone hating love.  My job is to make men aware of what it entails, what it stands for, and what it really means to be in love.  Love was sold as a good thing, suspending men in the good life, being happy, having sex, everything you were told it was about.

However, love is no longer a fruitless emotion, it is a responsibility.  And when presented like that, it’s not all roses and silk sheets.  I’m here to tell you that it’s not. 

As many wise men have stated, one cannot fully embrace the love of another without first securing the love of oneself.

One of the biggest adjustments of being red pill aware is not only the cynicism of love, but also the promise of how love can truly be fulfilled.  One thing that red pill knowledge has afforded me is the ability to realize more amazing relationships.  When you know what I know, you can approach love and relationships with logic, and still revel in the joys, feelings, and sensations of it.

Love is like fire.  It can be controlled, harnessed for good, but only after you know how to deal with it properly.  So educate yourself, so you can truly love again.


 

Red Pill Therapy

Photo Credit:  voirelia.com
I can honestly say that I have been seeing a psychologist for the better part of 4 years.  And I don’t regret any of it.  Because it helped get me to the red pill version of me that’s manifesting itself currently.
As a blue pill beta some 5 years ago, I was toiling away in a loveless marriage.  My job was extremely stressful, and was becoming more and more a source of some anger issues.  My wife at the time was a stay at home mom with no motivation to do anything.  As soon as I would finish my shift at work (would sometimes have to work later), I would get her list of demands.  She had no outside interests, no friends, nothing but raising our kids. Thus, life for me was turning into a soul sucking spiral of depression, hurt feelings, missed opportunities, and growing frustration.
This frustration with a life decided by everyone but me overflowed one day at work.  I snapped.  I flew off the handle.  I yelled at my bosses for their constant abuse towards me.  It wasn’t pretty at all. I was sent home with the caveat that either I must go to therapy to solve my issues, or lose my job.
With two kids and a wife to support, I chose the former.  
My first day on the couch was a bit nerve-racking.   I didn’t know why I was there.  I had always assumed therapy was not for me, people would talk.  My blue pill mind was always afraid if someone saw me there what they would think.  I nervously waited for my appointment.
As the door opened and I got started, I quickly realized that it was in the best interests of my emerging red pill self to go to therapy.   As I spoke, it was finally dawning on me that all the problems I had were coming from me, not the environments around me.  I had to change myself, adjust to this new reality, and come to terms with it.  
For over a year, I had bitter truths to swallow every session.  From overprotective members of my family, to my domineering wife, it covered the gambit.  But none of it, none, had to do with my job.  I didn’t take anything out on anyone, didn’t have a release, so I blew.  It happens every time.
Photo credit:  avoiceformen.com

Struggle & Epiphany

 As the weeks and months passed, I slowly learned that what was affecting me was my loveless marriage, and not my job.  It was my blue pill beta shining through in many different forms, and I needed to correct it stat.
After a year of therapy, my therapist concluded in a short session ending sentence, “You know what the problem is, so you need to make a decision.”  This decision would affect my entire life, the lives of my children, it would be a major course correction 10 years in the making.  So, one cold February night, I told my wife I wanted a divorce.  With that, my life was changed forever.
I will talk more about my subsequent divorce and proceedings next week, but for right now, I want to talk about what this “red pill” therapy means.  My therapist was most interested in bringing out the real red pill man secluded in his blue pill life.  “Your top priority,” he said, “is you.”  “You can’t begin to do anything with this life until you realize that you, and only you, are the key to your own happiness.”
These words stuck with me, even as we dove in to my numerous problems.  I had not carefully crafted a life for myself, I was living someone else’s life.  My parents, wife, etc, had influenced me to a point that I had no say in my own life.  I had no personal boundaries.  That was the first thing we had to accomplish.  I needed to put down boundaries.
When you start putting down boundaries, you start seeing who has your best interests at hand.  Soon, people who had been controlling me were put off.  I had stood my ground, and drew a line in the sand.  This is my boundary.  I started setting more boundaries.  I started enforcing them.  As I was doing this, I noticed people who wanted me to succeed started multiplying, while those who refused to accept this better version of myself, fell by the way side.  
It took therapy for me to realize that red pill realization was even possible, as my therapist technically gave me the red pill before anyone else.  He saved my life, just as other Red Pill authors and experts have helped me to gain perspective and continue my red pill transformation.
I can’t recommend therapy enough, however, make sure it’s red pill therapy.  Any religious based therapist will no doubt try to save the marriage, even if it’s doomed to fail.  Check references, make sure the therapist is licensed and has a degree (mine had one in psychology proudly displayed).  See your therapist for an initial meeting, get a feel for him/her, and have clear objectives into what you want.  
See a couple at first to get an idea who you jive with better.  But they must be willing to help you, not your situation.  Their first and only objective should be to help you become a better, happier person, giving you guidelines, reading materials, assignments or homework.  Also, as many of my red pill colleagues have states, keep a journal.  Write it down.  Your feelings will become all the more clearer on paper, and I can’t tell you how much it helped me.
More next week.