Realizations

As I’ve documented on many occasions in my blog, countless Twitter feeds, and in my videos, I used to be absolutely terrible with women.

I lost my virginity at 27, I had three girlfriends in high school and college who I never kissed, and the only sexual experience I had before 27 was a bad blowjob in college.

I was so petrified of women (and people in general), I locked myself in my dorm room freshman year of college, only smoking pot with my closest friends and not even going to eat in the cafeteria.

I would clam up, become stiff, make dumb statements (oh look a pooper scooper!!), or just said some general statement that wouldn’t do anything except cause her to look at me in disbelief (or disgust at times).

As I’ve documented, I was the quintessential beta with many of the hangups men today still have. Socially I was retarded. I was awkward with all types of people, and I would not talk to women if I could avoid it.

I developed oneitis for several girls as I grew up and I tried to get them to like me by being the “nice guy”. I failed. Miserably.

Lack of approach, no confidence, social anxiety, as well as fears of about every aspect of personal communication kept me single and a virgin for a time when I should have been laying everything with a pulse.

But, alone I sat, for years, until 2003, when finally, mercifully, I started to get out more, get some hobbies, work out, and then I met my future wife on eHarmony. That was the wall I crashed into.

She loved that I was a virgin. She wanted to “teach” me how to please her. I was a weak, ball-less fuck. I did what I was supposed to do. Name, rank, serial number for 10 years. And it resulted in sex three times in three years at the end of the marriage.

After divorce, I got better with women, only because during my depression, brokeness, and utter discontent with my life, women seemed to come out of the woodwork, as they always do. So by natural progression, I got better with women because they were around more. But I still had a ways to go and had to learn more.

Over the next two years, I got into several relationships where I let the woman lead, all of them ending in a breakup. Liberal women who were desperate to control their relationships are who I fell in with. As you can guess, it didn’t go well. Sex was robotic, I didn’t take control, I kept asking permission, asking “does this feel good?”

It was an unmitigated disaster 4 times over.

Then, I found the red pill. I decided to go to the “monk” mode or MGTOW (men going their own way) phase. I studied, read, and worked on myself at the gym. I lost 70 lbs. I fought to discover who the hell I was.

This intensive period that I needed, in turn, gave me success in my life in other ways.

It really isn’t a secret, either. There’s no magic bullet, no expensive course or book, so I’ll share it with you today, free of charge.

The Breakthrough

So, how the hell did I get over my fears of dealing with women?

Here it is, the definitive guide to everything female from a man who has lived it.

These are the things I’ve learned after what I was told was complete and utter bullshit.

These are the myths that were concocted to throw men off of what women really want, how they really think, and why it’s important.

I know the secrets now. Hint: They aren’t really secrets, they’re well known, common knowledge that don’t need financing to know.

Sure, you’ll get the women who are NAWALTS (Not all women are like that) professing their mistrust in the information I present here today, but the bottom line is this:

A vast majority of women (meaning all) have the same reproductive organs, mindset, and emotional software installed by whoever you want, God, evolution, the boogeyman, or Santa Claus, it’s all still the same because in the end, NOTHING trumps biology.

Yes, it’s the same for men. We scream that it’s not about sex, but guess what, it IS about sex. It’s always about sex. ALWAYS.

Here’s some quick and dirty tips from yours truly. Many will say they aren’t true, especially women, but I know one thing with my experience. I know women. And what you’ve been told is not correct.

Here’s the list of all the cliche manosphere stuff that I learned. Why post it? Because every last part of it is true.

Here you go:

  • Get thee to the gym

The first thing I recommend guys do is get into shape. It cures so many ills in regards to life in general, and women specifically, that it is the first thing I recommend. Get to work, get your diet right, and start looking the part. It’s the crucial first step in a man retaking control of his life.

  • Boundaries

You have to establish a line that no one can cross when it comes to your personal convictions and beliefs. If you are conservative, don’t date liberals, if you are religious, don’t date an atheist. If you don’t like sushi, don’t take your date to a sushi restaurant. Hold fast on the stuff that’s important to you, and don’t compromise for any reason.

  • You have to have confidence

Building confidence in yourself is the KEY to all of this. You have to be successful in your life in some way to gain confidence. So, I’d recommend getting to the gym, getting involved in some sport, activity, or hobby and get good at it. When you develop your skills and gain confidence when you are successful, you have a blueprint from which to build more.

  • You have to do MGTOW or monk mode for a while

And with that, you have to take the time to develop these skills. You need to make time for yourself. You need to put you first, pull no punches with your time, and get better everyday. 6 months is a good period, but depending on how much you have to do, you will need all the time in the world.

And yes, you still have to show up and do the work.

  • You’ll never be done

The work will be a lifelong commitment. You have to put real work into yourself every day. You have to be mindful to making yourself better. You aren’t just done and then you talk to women. You progress doing both. And you learn from it.

  • Rejection is required

Everyone hates rejection, but men especially do because, especially with a woman, it’s a personal dismissal for something you are presenting. Of course it’s going to burn, because it IS personal. My first rejection was a woman saying she wouldn’t date a fat guy. That hurt, but I took that rejection and put it towards bettering myself. You are going to get rejected. Tear the bandage off and get it over with, then do it again.

  • She doesn’t care

Regardless of what your hangups, complaints, life issues, or insecurities are, she doesn’t care. She has no motivation to bring you into her life if you are a rebuild or a project. She’s looking for a man who’s sure of himself, put together well, and won’t apologize for living his life his way.

  • Your self interest is most important

You have to put yourself first. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and if you have yourself put together, you only add value to those around you. A solid foundation is what you are, and the bigger and more sturdy the foundation, the better and bigger the building.

  • You HAVE TO APPROACH her

You can’t get around rejection and you certainly can’t get around having to pursue and approach a woman. If you find her attractive, you must tell her that and make your intentions known. And you must be prepared for any answer she gives. “Yes?” Play ball. “No?” Walk and go to another girl.

  • Boldness goes a long way.

Yes, it’s the #MeToo era, but being bold, especially with women who are in a social setting is a lost art. You must state your intentions clearly and boldly, damn the consequences. You don’t get anywhere without taking a risk, and the higher the risk, the greater the reward. But you have to put your ass on the line for her, she’ll respect you a ton more if you are honest and open in your interactions with her. YOU SET THE TONE.

  • Understand women

Women will say I don’t understand them, but I do, better than they understand themselves. Remember, women are chaos. Women are emotional creatures who don’t respond to logic as much as they respond to feelings, settings, and imagination. You have to use her imagination in conjunction with your skill. Understand what gets her going. What gets her going is a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to be bold to take it. She LOVES a man who takes control.

Remember, men lead with action. Women follow with support, love, and spirit.

  • Body language is key

Not only do you have to make sure your body language is on point (chest out, speak clearly and forcefully, smile, eye contact), but you must also watch hers. She will show you if she’s into you by coming close to you, smiling back, mirroring your actions, and really reactive to your moves. More experience with women will yield this understanding on when she likes something and when she doesn’t.

  • Avoid Online Dating

Many men will instantly go for the online route because it’s easy and doesn’t require a lot of heavy lifting. But, remember this fact, online dating, for the majority of people, is a raging dumpster fire. Damaged, hurt people on there looking to get their kicks without even working on themselves. It’s the trash bin of dating and shouldn’t be used.

  • You are the prize

We’ve seen hundreds of guys in the sphere talk about it, but it really is true. When it all boils down to it, you can’t move forward in your life until you realize that your presence sets the tone. You are the focal point of your life with special emphasis on choosing the correct person to share it with. You have an obligation to choose what you feel is best for your life. Selfish? Sure. Required? Absolutely.

  • You have to have some semblance of style

You have to put forth effort in your wardrobe. Like every other part of your life, you have to dress for success and wearing old, crappy clothes as a part of your wardrobe doesn’t help you get anywhere but where you are.

  • Looks matter

They do. You have to look your best. You have to brush your damn teeth, shower, manscape, and take care of yourself. Women will appreciate it and you’ll appreciate yourself more. The most important aspect of confidence is putting up the goods when it comes time to.

  • Social skills (game) trump all other things

You have to learn solid, lifelong social skills with men to make friends and with women to have sex/relationships. This not only ups your networking, and career success, but you become more comfortable with people and can do more things in your life. Your height, money, or disposition don’t mean anything if you can’t get out there and operate among others.

  • Thirst is not your friend

Men allow their sexual appetites to get the best of them. The little man drives the big man and it can result in disastrous, life altering issues that will affect the man for the rest of his life. When a man learns to not only control his urges, dropping porn, upping his game, using condoms regularly, he protects himself from these possibilities. He also has an amazing amount of self respect to protect himself from these issues. The world’s not going to change, so the man must operate as if he’s in complete control of everything he can control, including his thirst.

Look, men want to have sex with women. It’s in our blood. But you can protect yourself and choose where you stick your dingus. Be smart about who you sleep with, we don’t need anymore single moms.

The Secret of Women

So what are the secrets of women?

What have I learned that I didn’t know before?

Well:

  • Learn to operate on a sexual level

Men and women are sexual beings, bottom line. If you don’t ask for the business and show your intentions to her, it doesn’t matter. I always thought it was wrong to tell a woman you wanted to have sex with her.

When you ACT like a man in front of a woman, she absolutely wants that. She wants you to take her, she wants you to be forward and confident.

Women don’t like begging, sniveling, men who have to ask permission for everything. They want you to lead.

  • Women are emotional

Emotions are a woman’s realm. When you appeal to her with a vivid imagination and unreal confidence, she absolutely loves it. She needs to feel, whereas men need to use logic and solve problems. When you treat her like a man (i.e. try to solve her problems), she’ll resent you. She doesn’t want you to solve her problems, she wants you to reflect her and feel her emotions with her. Being present, more than anything else, helps her to work through any emotions that she has. And when she sees you’re a rock to her, she can trust that you will listen to her while working to understand her.

  • Women are pragmatic, men are romantic

Women, when it comes down to it, are pragmatic. If they see that things aren’t going to end well, they will jump ship to make their way to another option. If you die, they’ll move on. If you sink, they’ll swim elsewhere. They see the writing on the wall in their commitment, they will make sure to find the door. ‘Til death do us part only applies if the man is showing promise, and yes, even if he’s at rock bottom, she can tell if he’s a high quality dude.

  • Women want security and to know they’ll be protected

Men do just these things. If you fall asleep at the wheel, do be surprised if she finds another man’s car or jumps out of yours. You HAVE to provide the rock she ties herself to. You run the show, she knows that you do. If you falter in any aspect of your masculine duties, she’ll know, and her respect for you will dwindle. She’s hooked her anchor to you so you’d better be ready to perform for her and make sure she and your tribe stay safe.

  • She wants your pleasure

Men think they have to pull out all the stops to pleasure her in bed. You don’t. She gets off on your pleasure. She wants to see you orgasm and wants to please you. That’s the biggest thing standing between guys and their happiness in sex. You need to get yours and she’ll get hers too. You can’t neglect yourself in the quest to make her happy because she start to resent you.

  • Be proactive instead of reactive

Women want a man with a plan, regardless of what happens. When the shit hits, she wants to know that the issues are handled. If they aren’t and she has to be involved, it takes away from your lead. You can’t be desperate, consistently show emotions that are detrimental to her respect for you, and argue with her. She doesn’t want to argue with you to win the fight, she wants to argue with you to show her you care.

I’ve learned a ton about these subjects, but I still have more to digest. But today, nearly 21 years after my entrance into the world of dating and women, I finally have some direction and some competency with women.

The one thing that has permeated all of this new found confidence is the fact that not only do I take responsibility for my life, but I push my life in new directions because of how I interact with women. My give a damn is broken when it comes to women and if they are truly going to be in my life, they have to make the effort. Before, I thought I had to do everything to make sure that they’d like me. Being a people pleaser brings you dry panties every day.

I hope to continue to help men realize what I have in my life. They need to take control and drive their lives. It’s helpful to have these quick tips to get a man in the direction he needs to head.

One thing I’ve always said is that if I hadn’t taken action in my life, I’d imagine I’d still be in a loveless marriage, celebrating 15 years of little sex, motionless and lifeless stability, and lack of a direction. I didn’t want a life like that, I wanted a life on my terms, and many men are starting to awaken to the fact that they want that same thing too.

But in search of that, you have to be willing to be uncompromising on certain principles in your life. You have to be willing to walk.

But you must also be willing to stand a post. You are never done. You sleep when you’re dead, and many men don’t want to accept that harsh truth.

It’s time to understand these realizations and spread the word to other men lost in the world. They need to know these things, and my job is to make sure they do until my last breath.

I owe it to them and myself.

The RPD Approach / Game Report #1 – Starting Again

Credit: The Independent

So as this is a blog about all things Red Pill, I wanted to start a new segment this week for all of my new readers.

As most of you know, I am very much involved in the dating game. I am a single dad, and as a such, I’ve been trying to learn game. Being married for a decade, and of course not being unplugged in the first place, my embarrassing exploits are cataloged on several of my blog posts. However, I’ve realized the error of my ways since unplugging and as an early 40’s single man, I’m exploring the world of dating with a new found vigor.

I’ve been learning game from many of my red pilled brethren, and I wanted to post updates on my progress for everyone to see.

As I have told you, my goal is for you to get a real sense of what it’s like to be in my life, as I confront challenges, learn new skills, approach women, and live my new life as a Red Pill aware man.

Where Can I Learn Game?

There are many resources for men to learn game. I’ve been using several good references for my game practice. But I’ve been trying to learn it from several sources, especially trying to see what works for me. Rather than just googling “PUA techniques” which will of course get you some idea on what to do, I’ve been going through several avenues. So let’s start with books that gave me a good background while I’m out there:

  • The Rational Male series – Rollo Tomassi: Obviously I have a soft spot for Rollo as his book was the reason I became unplugged in the first place. Knowing the world of the Red Pill is a huge first step, and these books deliver that is spades.
  • The Game – Neil Strauss: This is the quintessential read for anyone looking to see what the PUA community is all about. A very good read for some history on game and who plays it.
  • The Art of Seduction – Robert Greene: A very good primer on all things seduction. Greene really drives home methods of seduction, describing types of seducers and each of their preferred methods.
  • Mode One – Alan Roger Currie: A quality book detailing Currie’s preferred pickup motif, direct communication. I’ve read it twice now and have employed techniques in this book.
  • The Mystery Method – Mystery: Quite possibly the most famous PUA wrote a book on pick up, and it’s very good. I recommend it.
  • The Way of the Superior Man – David Deida: A great primer into the mindset men have to have when dealing with women, career, and life in general. I can’t say enough good things about this book.

I have several game gurus on my side bar as well for good reference. There are hundreds of other books by authors like RooshV, Mark Manson, Pook, and others that can give you information.

Why Do I Need to Learn Game?

Game transcends all things in your life. It’s not only good for picking up women, but is also good for advancing your career, and good for getting you to your purpose. It promotes and builds confidence, which is the number one factor that is invaluable for you to have with any endeavor.

Also, as in my case, online dating is a cop out for a beta looking to be plugged back in. Most men don’t like to date, they want to be dominated by a woman in their life so they can talk about sports, play golf, or play video games.

But men who actually want something out of life MUST learn some sort of game. They have to be able to handle themselves with different types of people in different situations. It’s one thing for a man to go through the motions, quite another for one to be a trailblazing leader of men. This is why game is so important. It gives you the skills to be a badass.

So I’ve Learned About Game, Now What?

Well, now you have to do what I did. I would also do it concurrently so that you’re learning on multiple fronts. The concurrent steps are:

  • Get your ass to the gym and
  • Start practicing your approaches!

These are both key in your grasp of game. Why? Because:

  • Going to the gym will improve your physique and grow your confidence
  • Practicing approaching women will increase your knowledge and improve your game with women

I am doing both of these things more and more. I go to the gym 4 days a week, for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours at a time.

I also have been approaching women. I’m all for cold approaches, however, I’m more of an IOI (Indictor of Interest) type of approacher. Cold approaches work in terms of sheer numbers, but for guys like me with a tough time finding good times to just do this, the IOI approach can be golden, you just need to know what to look for. BestPUATraining.com is a good start for looking for IOI’s.

The bottom line on IOI’s is sustained eye contact from a woman, as well as a smile from her.

The best way to start your game is to have three things down pat:

  • Eye contact
  • Open Mind
  • SMILE!

Keep practicing, going to the gym, and boosting your confidence. You’ll find your preferred method with study, practice, and adjustments.

How Do I Meet Women?

So, you’re like me. You’re 35-45, you’ve learned about game, but where in the hell do you go to meet women? Online dating, in my opinion, should not be a primary source of your approaches. Most of what I’ve found in online dating are girls with emotional issues, fatties, or spam. It’s convenient, which is why it’s not a good source of women. You gotta work for it (you knew I would say that, didn’t you?).

At best, online dating should be supplementing your social life. It should never be a primary catalyst for meeting women.

You have to get out of your shell. If it just means going to a bar, sitting by yourself and having a drink, then so be it. Here are some ways I’ve been meeting women recently:

  • I took a yoga class. Not only do you meet women, but they are fit and you get in shape.
  • I’ve increased my social circle. Whether it be through work, finding hobbies that you share with other men, joining clubs, the gym, etc. Meeting new people always opens up the possibility of meeting new WOMEN.
  • Go (by myself, yes) to bars, clubs, coffee shops, and restaurants. Being able to be comfortable with yourself is a giant weight off of your shoulders in the quest for game.
  • As you get into shape, do other classes, or join a Brazilian Ju Jitsu or boxing club. Knowing how to fight increases your confidence, as well as putting you in better shape.
  • OCR Racing or other activities are a great way to meet fit women. I do Spartan, which allows me to travel to events and meeting hot girls.
  • Networking through your business. As a business owner, this is invaluable, not only for growing potential business leads, but also for meeting women. Many of these events are at bars, pubs, or restaurants, and the women come with the turf.

These are just a sample of the many things you could do. There are hundreds of other examples.

RPD Field Report #1

So with the quick and dirty about game out of the way, let’s start with my first approaches while learning game. Here are some of what I’ve encountered.

I’ve had about 21 approaches in the past three weeks, most have happened at bars, pubs, yoga class, and four happened at my networking events. I will detail a few that I’ve found success with:

  • I was at a networking event and I noticed an 8 looking at me. I kept eye contact, and then smiled. We held the look for a few more seconds, then I approached. She was distracted by another person, so I interrupted and asked her if she wanted a drink. I whisked her away to another part of the bar, talked with her for about 30 minutes, and closed with a number.
  • I was at my local pub drinking when a 7 came up to me and asked me if I was looking at her (I wasn’t, I was actually looking at another girl, I didn’t even notice her, lol), and I replied, “No, but I’m looking at you now.” She laughed, sat down, and I closed with her number.
  • I was flirting with a bartender at a club and had just learned palm reading (or that’s what I told her) and she watched me as I clumsily tried to read her palm. She was flattered and I closed with her number.
  • I asked a girl out I had been flirting with (a solid 7 server) and she replied with “I’m just so busy, I don’t know if I can.” My response was “You’re not busy enough for me.” She gave me her number.

These are just a few of the examples of my closes. As I learn and gain more confidence, it will only get better.

I’ve also had several approaches that have ended in her walking away in disinterest. There have been many (75%) of these approaches that have resulted in shitty rejections, but the one thing you have to do is shrug it off and realize it’s not a slam against you, it’s a slam against your game. One girl called me a fat ass and said she doesn’t date fat guys, another girl said I looked like a nerd she picked on in college (keep in mind I’m 43, 6’4″ and about 260 lbs). So you will get rejected, A LOT. Keep at it.

Remember, Rollo always says “Rejection is better than regret.”

Online Dating as a Supplement

As an experiment, I am supplementing my game with Tinder. My goal right now is to meet lots of different types of women, and with an app that allows me to do that on a swipe, I had to take advantage of the convenience. Now, I will tell you that Tinder is a shit show. There are tons of fatties, especially where I’m at, and emotionally challenged women from all walks of life. As you begin dating again like I do, you’ll learn to spot those types and swipe left.

My preconditions:

  • no fatties
  • anything with a Snapchat filter is automatically swipe left
  • profiles without full body shots is a swipe left
  • Anything where there are pictures of every body part except face is swipe left

So I know a lot of you don’t approve of online dating, but in the spirit of meeting as many women as I can, it’s proven to be a hot bed, especially since I’m tall (6’4″) and muscled out. But my filters have helped as well.

Dating as The Red Pill Dad

So there’s a brief glimpse of what I’m dealing with as a 40-something navigating the dating pool in the Midwest. I will continue to produce these reports as I get the time, and will report my triumphs and setbacks. I want you all to see what I deal with in real time, with real time results. If I can do anything, I want to convince all of you that you can do this, and you can do it well.

Time will tell with me personally. But I’m already off to a great start, and have achieved more in 6 months than I could’ve possibly imagined.